Wednesday, December 3, 2014

I walked out of my bedroom last night and saw four of my most favorite people in this world talking. Of course me being me, I snapped a picture. Absolutely love capturing those moments. Zane and Zeelynn eventually went into their own rooms. Jeramy stayed in Zoei's room and they had a conversation that lasted a good long while. It made such an impression on her, she woke up this morning wanting to talk about it. She said that it made her think about a lot of things and that it changed her perspective. I didn't ask questions, I just let her spill her heart out. It's amazing how much those conversations with him effect her. From what I gathered, they talked about life, the choices you make, the road you decide to travel on and how it all will effect the outcome of your journey in life. He went into details about a lot of things that have happened in his and my life separately as well as things that have happened in the past ten years since we've been back together. Jeramy is a very straight shooter when it comes to life and how it really is. He doesn't sugar coat anything. I agree with it, I just tend to be a little more discrete and not so forthcoming with details. I wonder if I need to be more open with the kids. I wonder if them knowing how much I have gone through in life, from my own choices as well as life just happening, if it would make life make more sense to them. Maybe not so much Zane because he doesn't really seem to question things, he pretty much just goes along with the flow. Things don't effect him like they do his sister. Zoei questions everything. Why people act the way they do, why people react the way they do, why some people feel the need to put others down, what pleasure they get out of it...she wants to understand it all. Not just in passing, but truly understand all of it.
It fills my heart with such joy seeing J be a daddy. Not just a daddy that is physically here, but a dad that is truly involved in their lives. A dad that ask questions, wants their opinions, wants to truly understand them and help mold them into productive adults

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thanksgiving 2014

Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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I have so many things to be thankful for...Let me start off with the man I have the pleasure of calling my husband. I don't believe I could ever put it into words how much I love this man. Knowing him for 17 years, I have seen him grow from this young 16 year old punk kid to a man of respect. My journey with him hasn't always been wonderful, but the beautiful thing about it is that we are still here going strong. We both agree that now, today, we are better than we have ever been. Through all of the ups and downs in life, we have finally come to a true understanding of each other. I know that life is going to throw us curve balls, I know that it's not easy to stay married, but I know with every ounce of my being that he and I will make it through it all. Together, we are unstoppable.
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My precious, amazing, magical, pain in my butt, beautiful Z babies... I am so very thankful that I have the pleasure of being your mommy. My life would be so empty without y'all. I am amazed at how resilient y'all are, I am blessed to share your journey of life with you, I am humbled at how open and loving y'all are. I absolutely love you to the moon and back a million and one times with every ounce of my being.
 
 
 
 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Hardest but yet most rewarding...


 
How can this beautiful young lady get picked on? How can this pretty young lady be made fun of? How can this spark of sunshine be made to feel worthless? How can this heart of gold be told such horrible things? It absolutely blows my mind. Breaks my heart. Makes me so damn sad and unbelievably angry. I hate that I can't take her pain away. I hate that I can't go and humiliate those little bastards the way they have humiliated my daughter. I am appalled that the school hasn't done anything. The things she has told me, you can't convince me that not one single teacher has seen it.... sickens me.  
 

Monday, July 28, 2014

2 years ago tonight

I was hanging with my best friend. We had eaten tacos that afternoon and by this time were at the Horny Toad on the west side of Ft. Worth. The show was kick ass. They nailed it that night. I remember having so much fun. The bar closed and it was time to leave. I remember most of the way home. I remember getting on 35, but that's the last thing I remember until I woke up on the bridge. I do remember bits and pieces. I remember the car speeding past us and then I remember it swerving, but nothing else. I can still to this day, two years later, vividly remember waking up on the bridge. I remember this voice telling me over and over again to open my eyes, but it wasn't anyone that was standing around the wreck. I remember waking up and freaking out... so confused as to what happened and wondering where Tony was. He was still knocked out in the car. I remember begging the guy that was talking to me to undo my seatbelt so that I could get away from the car, but he wouldn't help me. He kept talking to me trying to calm me down, but my survivor adrenaline skills were in full force. Tony finally came to and I assume hear us talking. He was the one who undid my seatbelt and then I crawled out from the wreck. I couldn't walk, I thought my ankle was broken. At that point I had no idea the road rash that was all over me or that my brain was bleeding. I remember crawling out of the car and then not to long afterwards, Tony came out. I will never forget the look on his face when he saw me. I knew then that it was pretty bad. I remember sitting on the bridge for what seemed like forever, but I know it wasn't too long, Looking at the explorer. Realizing that it was on it's roof, realizing that if it would of rolled one more time, It would of rolled over on top of me. When I came to, I was half way out of the passenger side window, the car on it's roof. I didn't know until after I was at the hospital that we almost flipped off the bridge. I remember getting into the ambulance slightly, but I vividly remember Tony opening up the doors. He kept saying how sorry he was and asked me what he needed to do. I told him to call Jeramy, and I told him that I loved him. After that it was off to the hospital. I don't really remember the hospital too much except for bits and pieces of it. I remember them telling me I was going to need stitches on my face, and telling them that I didn't care because I was alive and that was all that mattered. My daddy was the first person to show up at the hospital. I remember his face also and could tell it broke his heart to see me like that. They took me and did some xrays on my ankle, it wasn't broken, but it looked like it. They did a brain scan and that's when I found out my brain was bleeding, but it eventually stopped after being at the hospital for a couple of hours. I remember them having to wash my body to try and get all the gravel out of my road rash. That hurt like nothing I've ever experienced before.....
Thankful that we are both still alive. Thankful that we both get to watch our children grown up... There is more to the story but my mind is reeling

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Moving pretty fast...

So I started my new job on the 15th and by the 25th, I have already gotten a promotion and a raise! To say that it's all moving fast is an understatement. When I went in for the job interview the office manager told me that she was going to start me off in reception to figure out how the office runs and how everything works and then move me to dispatch. There was another girl that got moved from reception to the dispatch position a week before I started. The owners of the company as well as the office manager knew I had dispatching experience, but wanted to give the other girl a shot at it. Well Friday I was called into the managers office. First thought process is, I've only been here 9 days... did I screw something up lol. Anyways, I go into her office and she proceeds to tell me that the other girl isn't working out and that they are going to move her back to reception and me into the dispatch position. Not only did she say that, but she followed it up with a 2 dollar raise as well as a commission on warranty parts. I gladly accepted it lol. The pay scale down here compared to the pay scale for the same job in Ft. Worth is crazy. At my last job I was making less money and had 14-16 drivers on any given day. Here there are three technicians! Now at this job there is a lot more that goes into the dispatching position. Billing, parts, warranties and such. From what I've gathered in the short time I've been there is that it's a lot more like my old job at the tow company. Of course there aren't tow trucks, but as far as how the calls come in and then you dispatch someone to the job. I have to train the old dispatch girl on the front desk and how it runs... which is wild within itself because I've have only been there such a short time. The office manager asked me how long it would take me to train her on everything. I told her that I basically caught on within a couple of days, but I didn't know how fast she learned things. I asked the office manager how fast she caught on to the dispatching and she said that she still hadn't learned some of the basic key elements of it that she should of learned already. We agreed that I would train her Monday- Wednesday and then starting Thursday I would take over the dispatching part and she would take on the reception part by herself. I'm anxious but excited all at the same time. From what I've picked up, there have been a lot of people in and out of that place. Mainly because of the bosses wife. She is very opinionated and thinks very highly of herself....nice way to put it. She talks down to everyone and has a very condescending way of dealing with everything. She doesn't bother me. Probably because for one she has yet to speak to me that way, I believe if she did I would have to come up with a nice way of putting her in her place. But also because I've dealt with people with their houses in foreclosure, I've dealt with people being stuck on the side of the road cussing... There hasn't been someone in that position that has been able to take charge and get shit done. The office manager made it a point to tell me that she thinks I can do that and to not let her down. And then on Friday the owner told the head technician that play time was over because I was going to get them... Them counting on me to make changes and get that department of the company back to where it needs to be makes me nervous because it's pressure to really get in there and get it done, but it also is a confidence builder. It feels good knowing that they think I have what it takes. Plain and simple it feels SO DAMN GOOD to be back working. I knew after I was laid off in October that I wouldn't go back to work for a while. Jeramy and I had the agreement that we would move and I would get everyone settled into the new routine, house, schools, work, everything that came along with moving 230 miles away from any and everything we knew. We both know how much happier of a person I am when I work, so we decided I would go back to work when the kids went back to school in august. Obviously that happened a little quicker than we thought it would. Never imagined I would get a full time offer on my second job interview and start the next day. Feels good....
Jeramy and I were talking about this last night. I was telling him that I now feel like I'm planting my roots in Houston Texas. He had his job at the airfield, the kids had their school so their roots were planted pretty much as soon as we moved here. I enjoyed taking care of them, I enjoyed being here to take and pick them up from school, I enjoyed going to their school functions... being home for these past 7 months has been good all the way around. I knew I was starting to get the itch to go back to work a month or so ago. Thankful that I am now back and actually like what I'm doing. I think it's a natural thing to question if the decision to move was a good or bad one. I knew financially for my family it would be the best thing, but I questioned if everything else would fall into place. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it was the best decision ever. Not only financially, but everything else has fallen into place. I do miss my old stomping grounds. I do miss the familiar sights and sounds of the place I lived for 30 years of my life. I do miss my friend and family.... but I truly believe this is where I'm suppose to be. Humbled, Blessed beyond anything and everything I deserve, Happy, Grateful... I wonder if this will ever become "Home" in my mind because I still think of DFW as being home... maybe after 30 years Spring will be home lol. Regardless, I believe this is where I am suppose to be.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

This crazy ass life of mine. So day before yesterday Jeramy and I were talking about our goals, what we want to do in the next few years, which way we want to take our family. The plan all along was for me to get a job around the time the kids go back to school. That way they can ride the bus together and Zeelynn can start going to daycare again. He and I talked for hours upon hours and left the conversation with I would start sending my resume out. So I did the same night, and the next morning I woke up with an email from a lady about a job. My interview was today. She didn't tell me if I got the job or not. She said she was going to start the background check and would let me know one way or the other in the next couple of days. Hope I get it. It's close to my house, good money, the hours are good.... I know I will end up wherever I am suppose to be. Just crazy to me that within a 24hr period I had an interview set up. I'm going to still send out my resume and see if I can find anything else (if this one doesn't pan out)

Jeramy called me on his lunch break to see how it went. Feels good knowing I have him behind me. Feels good knowing that no matter what, the ups downs the twist turns, the fuck ups... we will always have each other's backs. Thankful, thankful that we are in the place we are in now days....The sky is the limit!!

Monday, June 30, 2014

Life in Spring Texas

Since my last post, I have kind of found my way. My parents took my kids for 5 nights, 6 days and it was exactly what the doctor ordered! We needed a break from each other. That may sound shitty to some, but it's the truth. I love them to death, but sometimes you have to have a break. Sucked because Jeramy had drills the weekend she took them, but I managed. Have to say it was nice having the house to myself, complete silence. I started going to the gym... I know, I know, complete shocker!! Decided that maybe I didn't need to get a job right away, at least not until the kids go back to school, but I needed to find something that I could do just for me. What better thing to do than work out. Have never stepped foot in a gym in my life, have never worked out on machines or anything remotely close. I got the hang of it now :) Have already improved on how much I can do and how long I can do it... pretty damn cool. I'm excited to see where it takes me. I have such an addictive personality and more times than not it gets me in trouble...LOL So hopefully this avenue will lead me down a good path! Jeramy said he is going to go with me on the weekends. That should be interesting hahahaha I'm excited about it though. Gives me something that I can do by myself, just for me for an hour a day. Gets me out of the house and it's good for me.

In a few days we will be coming up on 7 months of living here in Spring. That just absolutely blows my mind. In one way it feels like it's been that long. Especially the other day when I saw my nephews, man they have grown!! But then on the other hand, I can't believe it's been that long. There is still so much to learn and explore around here. I know my way around to the schools, store, some restaurants and bars but the back roads or certain places people talk about, I know nothing about. It's cool though, I really do love it down here. I miss my friends, miss my family, but I think this was the best thing that could of ever happened for my family life. Blessed... simply truly blessed

About Me

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Welcome to the wonderful life of me! I am married to my best friend, my soul mate, my right hand man, the love of my life and we have been blessed with 3 beautiful Z kiddos. Jeramy and I have known each other since we were 14 &16, and have been married for 5 years. He is in the Army and I get to be a stay at home mommy :) We have had our ups and downs, life hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we are blessed!