Monday, December 29, 2008

New Year's Eve Party

So I am in the midst of planning a new year's eve party at my house. It was kind of a last minute thing. I had said something to Jeramy about it , but we never talked about it futher. Then last Saturday night when I was hangin with my sister, we decided to go ahead and do it. So I already invited some people and as of right now there are about 6 or 7 going to come plus Jeramy and I. I have invited a lot more people, but some haven't responded yet. My sis and I are going to throw in on a keg..... that should be fun! It's better to have it at my house because then I don't have to worry about getting too drunk and driving home with all of the cops just sitting around waiting for people like Plus most of my friends live right around the corner, so they won't have to drive home too far. I am excited!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas 2008

This Christmas was amazing to say the least. To see the eyes of my children light up, and the smiles on their faces are priceless! I do have to say that this was the best one the kids have had yet. It is all thanks to the man upstairs for helping Jeramy get his job and him making the kind of money that he is making now. It felt really good. You can see the smiles below: We had a million and one places to go this year, just like always. Jeramy said that next year is going to be different. His aunt Dee said that next year they are doing the get together on the saturday before Christmas. Which is wonderful cuz that means that we can do my family thing on Christmas Eve, and he said that on Christmas day that we are staying home. We are not going anywhere. I understand it because the kids don't really get any time to play with their toys or anything. By the time we leave one place, it is time to go somewhere else. I do have to say that I had the best Christmas ever also. Jeramy and the kids made me cry! Tears of joy of course.... I don't know ifyou can tell from this picture but it is a picture frame.
It has a "mom" charm on it, with a quote. The quote says , " A mom is she who can take the place of all others." And then he had a another charm put on it that says "Love Zane and Zoei." It was amazing! Brought tears to my eyes and made my cry. I also got some perfume "Beautiful" from estee lauder along with make-up from there. I got a bunch of stuff from my parents and my sister. I won't go through and name it all. But it was good to say the least. Jeramy got some shirts and Axe and Adidas clogne, some new shoes...... I forgot what else. The kids really made out from everyone. I am just really blessed. Point blank Blessed. I will leave you with some pic for your viewing pleasures:

Monday, December 22, 2008

Last minute

Today is Monday: And I am going out shopping again....what is wrong with me lol!! I was going out last night to get Jeramy's last gift and I pulled in the parking lot and turned around and left. That place was a mad house! I didn't think about it being the last weekend before Christmas when I left the house. So the kids and I are going out today. Hopefully people have to work and it won't be so crazy! hhahahah yeah right!! Who am I kidding? Anyways I am going to get Jeramy a shirt. He needs clothes, well good clothes that he can wear out. He has a lot of things that he wears to work, but nothing really to go out in. I found a shirt yesterday and I loved it but I don't think he would like it.... so off we go to find one that he will like!

Friday, December 19, 2008

The day after

So today is suppose to be my last day of work. I am going to wait until Joram calls me and tells me he is on his way up there. That way I can meet up with him, give him the key to the office and get one of Jeramy's tools. Then after that I will be done with that office, and the crazyness that surrounds it. It's not so much the patients or the work itself. It's just having to deal with all of the disorgination. That place could run so much more better if it was in order. Maybe Joram will be the answer to all of that. I don't know. I asked Jeramy last night if he was worried at all about me not having a job anymore and he kind of chuckled and said "no." I said I need to hear that from you. Not that we count on that money, not that we need it to pay our bills, not that I am that mad about the whole situation, I just have my mothers desease where we worry. This life is so uncertain, and the only reason that I loved that job was because if Jeramy's work ever gets slow, then it was atleast money coming in ya know. Not much by any means, but it was something. Maybe it is my not feeling like I am doing anything as far as the bills go. I kind of feel like I have placed all of the burden of money on Jeramy. Not that he wants it any other way. He has said that once this job was gone that I was just going to stay at home, and espically when we have a baby. So it is the way he wants it. I guess I just need to laugh it off. I do think it is pretty funny how it all happened. Well I could say shitty how it all happened. For them not to say anything to me about it at all. For them just to let me go a week before Christmas is pretty low! Why couldn't she say to me that she wanted me to train Joram, and then she was going to let me go. That way I would of known up front. Jeramy and I already knew it was going to happen. As soon as Joram started coming up there, Jeramy said that I was going to lose my job to him. Jeramy was right! I am pretty much just rambeling. I have such mixed feelings about it. I think the thing that bothers me about it is how it all went down.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Officially given the boot

So tomorrow December 19 will be my last day working for Dr. Carlin. I was officially given the boot today. She started off by saying that she was going to close the office next week to get caught up on all of her stuff. Then she went on to say that she thanked me for my efforts, that she was going to pay me and get that all taken care of, and that she needed her key back. She said now that Jeramy is working and making enough money that I need to go back to school during the funny to me that she used Jeramy's money as a way to soften the blow. It has been expected, just didn't know when it was going to happen. I knew that once Joram started coming in here and trying to learn everything that I was going to get the boot. Thank GOD above that I don't count on that money every week. Thank GOD above that Jeramy is making enough money to pay the bills. Speaking of Jeramy, he said well atleast now the house will be said that is one way of looking at it ya know. He wants to get his tools back from Joram. Joram still has them all and he said that since Joram is going to be taking over my spot that he won't need the tools anymore, so he wants them back. We will see how this whole thing turns out. I hope that Jeramy doesn't hold any resentment towards Joram or his family because of all of this. I don't think he will, but you never know. Anyways I am going to go and print out all of my hours, get them all added up so that Dr. Carlin can write me my last check.......WOW!!!! Oh the ways of life ya know

Monday, December 15, 2008

Lovin This Time Of Year

So yesterday was a test of my patients, and I found out that I have none! lol... I went Christmas shopping which was fine. The lines weren't too long, so that was good. When I got home, I decided that I was going to put lights up on the front porch. Well I hate lights to begin with .They always get so tangled up. Then the kids decided that they were going to help me. UMMMM yeah. It was fine for a little while but they were so hyper that it started getting on my nerves. Then my mom and I went and got a tree. When we got home we put it up. THe kids had fun decorating it, and the cats had fun tearing it up. OMG! I thought that I was going to kill two cats. They are currently locked up in Zoei's room due to the fact that they won't leave it along. I know that they are just kittens but damn it! I had glass ornimates(spelling)? I am going to buy a water bottle today and just spray the shit out of them when they get near it. It is the only thing that I know to do. I can't beat the crap out of them ya know! want to yes, but I am trying to be good lol. Anyways today we are going to buy Zane's santa present. A playstation 3! I told Jeramy what are we going to do when he is 14 and wants us to spend 2000 dollars on him...... lol it won't happen but it is funny to me that we are going to spend 600 dollars on his santa. I am just thankful that we have the money to do it ya know. Zoei wants a hula hoop from santa...hahahahhah too cute! She also wants a jewlery box so that is what we are going to get her. Then we will pick them up a couple of more things to open that go under the tree. I bought Zoei a make-up kit yesterday and Zane three DS games. I knocked out pretty much all of Jeramy's family yesterday except the chinese thing we are doing at Vince's house. I already got my mom and sister, so we really only have my dad and whatever Jeramy and I are going to buy for eachother and then we are done. I am excited about Christmas, it is my favorite time of the year. It seems like this year has flown by so fast. I never understood that until I had kids ya know.Anyways Jeramy just pulled up in the driveway so we are going to go.

Friday, December 12, 2008 wonderful!

I don't know how all of these good things just keep falling into my lap. First and formost, I have the world's best kids, the world's best man, and life can't get any better. Jeramy is finally making enough money to support us and we just use my paycheck to run on. Okay so you all know back in 07 when I left Ken, I got unemployment benefits. Well I went through all of that money. Then they sent me a letter saying that they approved me for 13 more weeks of emergency unemployment benefits. We went through all of that money. Well, about a week ago I got another letter in the mail and it said that the president had signed off on another emergency plan. It said to fill out all of the paperwork they sent me and send it in. Well I did it thinking that I wasn't going to get it . The last person that I spoke to said that since I was working for Dr. Carlin and she wasn't taking out taxes that I wasn't going to get any more. Anyways like I said I filled out the paperwork and sent it in. I get home from work today and found a letter from them. I opened it up and they said that I was approved for another 7 weeks of unemployment!!!! Can you believe this? I really can't. I filed my claim today telling them how much money I made from Dr. Carlin for the past two weeks, and it said my claim went through. That I need to make my next claim on December 21. I have 1078.00 dollars that they are going to give me. Of course it is spread out throughout the next weeks, and each week's amount depends on how much I made from Dr. Carlin. But this is amazing. Just out of the blue things keep dropping in my lap. I am so blessed and it is all because of the man upstairs. It is crazy to me that my life use to be this ball of weirdness, and now everything is falling into place. I am so excited about my life now and what is going to come in my future. GOD is good and so am I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

bored rambeling thoughts

So I am sitting at work, it's 12:20 in the afternoon and I am so bored. Joram came up here this morning and was working on scheduling more patients. I just sat back and let him do his thing. I was printing off schedule sheets and calander pages. It is weird with him being here but it's cool I guess. Not much that i can do about it ya know. It's like I am waiting for Dr. Carlin to tell me that I am not going to work out and Joram is taking over my spot. It's all good though.
I just talked to Jeramy and we were talking about presants for everyone. There is so much shopping that I have to do. He just told me that he is going to work on Sunday also, so that blows us going shopping this weekend. He said you are just going to have to go shopping for everyone, I work too much. Which is fine, I just like having him there. He wants to be there for the kids stuff no matter what. He said that maybe on Sunday afternoon we can get my mom to watch the kids and we can go shopping for them. Every year since we have been together he has wanted to go with me when I shop for the kids. It is really cool to see. He loves picking out things for Zane. Girl things are out of his comfort level, but that is why I am there. I really love this time year. Okay this is just a ramble....I am going to go

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


So I got really confused today at work. Dr. Carlin broke her arm a couple of weeks ago. So she told her son Joram, who use to work with Jeramy that he could be her little assistant for awhile. Being that she couldn't write, he had to do it for her. So Monday he is in the office with me. Asking me questions about how you do this or how that works. Didn't really think anything of it. He said that he was up there because his mom didn't need him at the medical school so she told him to come up to the office. So Today I was up at work. They all show up there. Dr. Carlin , her husband and Joram..... I am thinking okay this is kind of weird. At first it was me setting the appointments and everything and then Dr. Carlin got involved. So by the end of the day, Dr. Carlin and Joram were behind the desk, he was the one setting the appointments, she was telling him how to send certain things to SSI, and how to do this or that..... I was sitting in the waiting area doing nothing. Joram hasn't been working since Jeramy got this new job. They were working together but Jeramy couldn't make enough money so he switched jobs, but Joram didn't. He teaches Kung Fu in Dallas 3 nights a week, so he has to leave arlington by 4 everyday. He admited to me , which I already knew, But he said that he can't go get a real construction job because they all want you to stay there until the job is done. You can't leave at 4 to go do something else. His mom owns her own Dr.'s office... so I think I am going to be replace by her son... It just seems so funny to me that all of a sudden he is showing up at the office, and now she is teaching him to do things around the office. It really doesn't matter because I can find something else to do, watch kids or something. Quite frankly I really don't have to work because Jeramy makes enough money. So it's not that I am worried about losing my job because of the money, it is just weird to me that it is happening this way. Lisa, the old girl, didn't get any warning about me taking over her job, so I wonder if that is going to happen with me. We will see how this whole thing turns out.........

CHRISTmas Season!!!!

Today when I woke up, it finally felt like Christmas. Well I guess it started yesterday, but this cold weather really makes me feel "in the season." I asked Jeramy about getting a tree on Sunday. I said that is only two weeks before Christmas, he didn't like that idea. They make him sneeze so he doesn't want to suffer two whole weeks. So I said well then lets get a fake tree. He didn't like that idea either. He wants a real one cuz it is Christmas, and we have kids. So looks like a lose lose situation for me. I am ready to get it up and start wrapping presents.I want to put lights on the outside of the house. But Jeramy is never going to be home in time to do them. So I think I will just put them on the porch. Wrap them around the poles and stuff.... YEA.... I am really excited. I bought my sister and my moms presents yesterday. I can't tell you what I got my sister cuz she might read this, but for my mom I got her :had to edit this...forgot my mom reads this.... it's really pretty. If I was on my computer I could show you a picture of it, but I am at work so I can't. My sister's is really pretty too. Zoei doesn't think that Ashley will like it but I do.... so there!!! hahahah Anyways guess I better get some work done around here.

Monday, December 8, 2008


Happy is how you can describe my life right now. I am so in love with Zoei and Zane. Those little boogers are such a joy in my life. I find myself watching them playing in amazement. They come home these little people who do nothing but pee and poop. And they grow into these people with imaginations, thoughts , feelings, and emotions. I love listening to them come up with all of these different games, and ways to play the same ol' games. We had a little "thing" happen this weekend, so I just told Kyle to bring the kids home to me. When they got home we ate lunch and played. The tickle monster came out and we ran all over the house. I really love them and I am so glad that GOD choose me to be their mother. I love my other big booger too. Jeramy was home more these past few days. Thursday he left early to try to get into a dentist. He didn't get in until Friday. So we took the kids to school and then took him to the dentist. He ended up having a root canal done. Well the first part of it. He didn't go back into work that day. Then Saturday he did have to work but got off and a normal time....6. The kids went to my moms house to spend the night so Jeramy and I just chilled. Ate dinner, and I watch t.v. while he played poker. Then Sunday we did a whole lot of nothing. He played poker and watch football. I did all the laundry in the house, and that was about it. Watched the cowboys get beat.....tear ;( Anyways today is Monday and back to the grind. Have to start getting ready for Christmas. I am so excited....... only 17 more days to go!!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Don't know what to think:

You are not going to believe the voicemail that I just got. I still can't believe the voicemail that I just got...It was from Rachel....Kyle's ex-girlfriend. Well the are ex's as of yesterday, but what the crap. She said that she just wanted to admit to me, even though she hates to admit it, but that I was right about Kyle the whole time........ What do I think about that? I really don't know what to think about it honestly. Do I get pride out of knowing that she called me and told me that? Do I think what the crap, why is she calling me? Do I think what is her motive behind all of this? I have no idea what to think..... I am still in shock. Me and this chick have all but gone round and round physically. We have cussed at each other, we have tried to defend our sides, she has said shit to me that Kyle did but put it off on me, I really am confused about it all. Kyle told me yesterday that I don't have to worry about her anymore because she is out. He said the only reason she would call me is to try to be buddy buddy with me.... I really can't believe that this is all happening.....

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Drama after Jail

So when I talked to Jeramy while I was in jail, he said that my mom and sister were up at the jail paying the fines. I called my sister and she said that they were already up there. I am thinking the they are going to be sitting out there waiting for me to come out. Thinking they would be there to give me a ride home. Well the people told them that it could take any where from 2 to 8 hours to get me out. They stayed up at the jail until 8:30, and of course I get out at 9. They handed me the bag with all of my stuff in it. My necklace, both of the rings that Jeramy got for me and my license. I start walking the block where I was let out at thinking that I would see them parked some where. Well I didn't see them. Then I think well I will just walk to a pay phone. So I go up about 5 blocks then take a right. If anyone knows downtown ft worth, I walked all the way up to the court house and then about 2 blocks over. I reached back into my pocket and realized that along the way I had dropped my bag of stuff. So here I am thinking there is no way that I am going to find it. First of all I am in downtown ft worth, if someone see's it they are going to pick it up. Second the wind was blowing like crazy so I figured if no one had picked it up , it was for sure blowing in the wind somewhere. So I start my track back. I re-trace every step that I took and finally on the last block, on the last side of that block I see it. It is up against the building. The wind was blowing but it was blowing in that direction so it was just holding it up there. I was so thankful!!!! Not because they items are really expensive, but they have so much meaning to me. One of the rings was the one that Jeramy gave me on our first Valentines day together. The other one was the ring he gave me last christmas and proposed to me with. The necklace I have had for ever I don't remember when he gave that to me, but it had my new locket on it he had just bought me. So needless to say I was freaking out about finding it. I was so happy that I did. I was just thanking GOD above. No other time in our lives has Jeramy ever gotten paid on a Tuesday, never in our lives has Jeramy had the kind of paychecks that he is getting right now. I was just giving praise to GOD that we had the money to pay the fines..... Yes it was a crazy day but it all worked out in the end. Thanks to the man upstairs. So that was the end to my crazy Tuesday..... Now that all of my stuff is taken care of , I won't have to worry about going back to jail.......

What kind of bird doesn't fly.....

A jail bird..... Tarrrant County Jail in downtown Ft. Worth was my home yesterday for about 6 hours. Jeramy called me yesterday about 2 and said that he needed me to bring him some food to eat. He was starving, and wasn't going to get off work until 8 or 9. So I called my mom to see if she would pick up Zane at 3:20. Zoei had her destination imagination yesterday so she didn't get out until 4. I knew I could make it back in time to pick her up. So I go and get a pizza and hot wings for Jeramy. I take it to him. He was off of 35 and 1187rd. I get there drop it off to him at 3:30. I get back on the road, I am going down 35 and I see the cop get on the highway. So I slow down knowing that I have warrants. There were two cars in front of me. The cop starts slowing down like crazy so I have no choice but to keep up with the flow of traffic and keep going. He gets behind me, the exit for 20 was coming up so I got over in the left lane, and he followed me over there. Then he puts his lights on. So I called Jeramy right then and told him that I was getting pulled over and that I was probably going to jail. Then Zane calls me on the phone and starts telling me about all of this and that and I am like put nana on the phone. So my mom gets on the phone and I tell her the same thing that I am probably going to jail. The cop comes up to the window and says that the reason that he pulled me over is because there is no front license plate on my car. So I tell him that it is a firebird and there is no way to put one on the front of the car.He goes back and runs my name. He comes back up to me and tells me to get out of the car. So he says that I have 2 warrants out of Haltom City, which I knew I had. He asks me a couple of questions, and says well I am going to cut you a break today and let you go. So I am like thank you, thank you.... He gets back in his car, I get in my car and as I am putting my car in first gear, he taps on my window again. He tells me to get back out of the car. He says your license is suspended. I played dumb and told him that I didn't know about it. So he says is there someone who can pick up your daughter. I told him that I could call my mom. I got to call Jeramy too and tell him to come and sit with the car until my mom got there to drive it off. So he handcuffs me and I get in the back of the cop car. Stephanie txt's me, so I txt her back and tell her that I am going to jail. She called me, so I answered it. She is like what? I told her that I was sitting in the back of the cop car and was going to jail. We talked for a few and then hung up. So Jeramy gets there and off we go to jail. It isn't like Arlington Jail.... they have electric doors, and shit. So anyways I go in and have to take off all my jewelry and sign for all of it. Then they take me to the booking station. They take my mug shot, and finger print me. All the while all of these dudes are yelling from behind the glass in tarrant county jump suits, hey baby...blah blah blah...... Craziness!!! So anyways after we do all of that shit he puts me in a cell. I call Jeramy and shit and tell him that I have been booked in and that he would be able to call and find out how much I owed. After sitting in the holding cell for more than an hour, they call me out. I have to go fill out all of this paperwork and shit. Then they send me to the medic to that I can get a T.B. shot. Then I go back in a holding cell. About 30 minutes later, they come and get me again. They hand me a cup, toothbrush, toothpaste, razor and a comb, and tell me to dress out. I am telling them that my mom is paying the fines right now and that I would be out in no time, so it isn't worth me "dressin out". She wasn't hearing it.... she was such a bitch. Anyways I go into this room and get strip searched. Put on my Tarrant County Jail suit and the shoe's they give you. She hands me this bag with a mattress cover, and a blanket in it and tells me to go to elevator d. She said when it opens get in it and hold up a one and a three to the video camera. So I got on the elevator and held up my number 13. The door opens, and I go to Block "D" . I wait for the lady to open the door. She searches me again. Then tells me that I am going to be in cell number 41. I had to leave my stuff there and go get a mattress. I had to carry the mattress up two flights of stairs to cell 41. Then come back down and get my stuff and go make my bed. I made my bed and just sat there. I guarantee you it wasn't 15 minutes and she was calling me on my speaker inside my cell. She said , " Bowling, get your stuff together you are leaving." I am thinking you mother fuckers, I told you that I was going to be leaving soon and you made me do all of this shit. So I had to get my mattress and carry it back down 2 flights of stairs and put it back up. GO back up there and get all of my blankets and paperwork. I carry it back down there and she goes through it all. She searches me again, and then I get to get back on the elevator. I go to level three and change back into my regular clothes. They put me back in a holding cell for a while. Then this dude comes and gets me. They finger print me again and then walk me out of this door. bam I am back out in the real world. After a whirlwind of an experience. There is another situation that happened when I left the jail with my bag of things they gave me. But I will go into that in a little while. I got home last night and sat in the bath tub...lord only knows what kind of shit was in that place so I had to wash myself. I laid in the tub thinking did that all just really happen to me.....It was like an out of body experience. Yes I have been to jail before and yes I have had to "dress out" before. But this was nothing like Arlington Jail...... def a day that I won't forget.....

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


What the crap..... I have been having some crazy ass dreams. I had a dream about Ashley and Bryan, I had another dream about one of my other friends...can't remember who, but the one that I had last night tops them all off. I had a dream that Jeramy gave me a kiss in the morning like he always does, then went to work and DIED!!!! It was so detailed, and it felt so real. I think that I actually cried in my sleep last night because when I woke up this morning, my eyes hurt so bad, and were swollen. You know that hurt and puffiness that your eyes get when you have been crying.... I am seriously freaked out. He got up at 6:00, and said good morning baby, and I just grabbed him. He said, well good morning..I said I had the scariest dream last night. He said what was it, I told him that I had a dream about him dying. I said You went to work and then never came back. He said that's not going to happen baby....... (quite frankly you never know.) But anyways he got ready for work and then got back in bed with me. I just held him. I told him that if he could get out of work today that I would keep him home with me all day long. We just laid there and snuggle wuggled (our made up love bird words). I sent him a text message a little while ago and told him that I was still freaked out. It's like I can't get it out of my head..... I don't know where all of these dreams are coming from.... I use to not remember my dreams at all. But now they are so vivid that they are scary.

Monday, December 1, 2008


So my dad is suppose to have knee surgery on Thursday. He goes into the hospital to day to get some blood work done and they take his blood pressure. It is at 188/one hundred something!!! That is walking stroke level people. I am suprised that he hasn't had a stroke yet.... So they put his knee surgery off until he see's his heart doctor. That is the least of my worries right now. He went to a heart dr forever ago and they put him on meds for high blood pressure. He took them for a while and then decided to take himself off of the meds. Why, I don't know.....I am worried ya'll. He smokes 2 packs and starts on his 3rd pack of smokes everyday. Everytime he lights up he is raising his blood pressure even more. No one is going to tell him to stop, nor does he want to quit. Not that I have room to talk because I smoke too. But this scares me. My mom has high blood pressure too and she too took herself off of her meds. She is doing something that she read in a book, home remidies or something. But she has never been to a dr to know if they are working or not. She said that she doesn't ever want to go into a dr's office again. If she is going to go then she just wants to go. Obviously that is how my dad feels too by taking himself off of the meds he was on.... This really makes no sense to me at all. For either one of them. That is how Linda died. Jeramy's little brother Kevin, his mom. THey told her that she needs to be on meds for her high blood pressure, but she never took them. She died on the soccer field at 57....... Worried is an understatement for me right now. Not that I am going to be able to talk them into anything.... so there is no reason for me to freat about it.... but still..... I don't know what to do or to think.....

Saturday, November 29, 2008


You know I am so tired of this crap. Kyle calls me yesterday and says I'm not starting a fight but..........I always know, here we go again. IT's like he can't be happy with his own life , he has to call me and start shit with me. He is pissed off that someone said something about his girl. Quite frankly people can say what they want to say. I don't have any control over grown ass people ya know. I'm not going to protect her from people saying anything . She puts herself out there like that. I can't help that she chooses to protray herself as a XXXXXX, and people see it. Kyle told me that I needed to grow up...I laughed at him...I need to grow up. I told him that he is one to tell me that someone needs to grow up. Why doesn't he grow up and take responsiblity for his children? Why doesn't he grow up and get a REAL JOB!!! Why doesn't he grow up and pay his child support..... If he thinks that I am just going to sit down and let him get away with everything he has another thing coming. It isn't going to happen. If I have to call the attorney general everyday and ask them questions about the next step, then I will. If I have to go to court everyother week then I will. He either has to grow up and take responsiblity for himself and his children, or he just needs to disappear like his dad did. It isn't going to go away. I don't think he realiszes that when the kids are 18 it doesn't make the child support go away. If he still owes me money for them, then the attorney general is going to still be on his ass. He can't run from it, he can't hide from it........

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Holiday's!!!

Today is Wednesday. The day before Thanksgiving. I am currently sitting in my living room listening to the kids fight. I told them that they have to clean up Zoei's room. Zane has to pick up all of the toys, and Zoei has to pick up the clothes and put them in the hamper. Neither one of them want to do it. But crap, I didn't want to clean the rest of the house, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I think I need to get better about making them clean their rooms more often. Usually it just stays a mess. Not crazy messy but there are toys out and usually clothes on the floor unitl I do laundry. I really shouldn't make them clean up their room because Melody is coming over today, and LORD knows they are going to tear it up. But I will make them clean it up again on Thursday. I already told Jeramy that the kids and their toys are staying in Zoei's room.... Not saying the kids have to stay in there the whole day but if they are playing with toys and running around then they can be in Zoei's room, or outside. Lord knows we have two acres out there, they have plenty of room to run So anyways I am going to get going. I have my room left to clean up and a couple more loads of laundry. I know you are thinking how can she have so much laundry, and the answer is I am trying to clean up all of the extra blankets.I don't know where Tabitha is plannin on sleeping tonight, or if she will bring blankets so figured I would be ready.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Turkey Day......Christmas.......ooooohhhhh I can't wait!

So the television situation is getting put on hold....YEAH!!!!!!!!! Yes it sucks not having the 52" anymore, but we have gone with out it for this long, so why not wait until after Christmas ya know. Speaking of Christmas I can't wait for it to get her. I know it will be here sooner than later but I really am pumped. We pretty much know everything that we are going to get the kids, Santa and all. We drew names the other day when Tabitha just showed up. We lucked out. We have to get Melissa, Melody, Micah, and Kevin presents for Jeramy's family. Then we are going to draw names again for the kids. That way they have one present to open at Vince's house and then another one to open at Grandmaw Cheryl's house. Then on top of that we are going to throw in on Kevin's Christmas. You all know the story. Bernard died over a year ago, and then his mom died this past May. So we gotta keep the tradition going. I would give him the world if I could. Anyways that takes care of Jeramy's family, then on to my family. We have to get my mom, dad, and ashley something. Maybe my grandmother if we can swing going over there. We usually go to Vince's house on Christmas Eve, which has been the tradition for years with my family. So maybe we can go to Vince's house and then swing by my g-maw's house... i don't know. THis is the one thing that I hate about the holiday's. We go here and there and all over the freakin place. Christmas day we are getting up and having santa here, then we are going to my moms house, then we are going to jeramy's moms house. Crazyness!!!! Personally I think we should go out to his moms house a little later. We are going to see them the night before....Let the kids get up and enjoy their presents for a while, then go to my moms house and open presents there. Let them chill with the kids for a while. I don't know will have to talk to Jeramy about all of it. See what he says. He isn't going to like driving all over the place because it will be his only day off. THey are going to work Christmas eve and then the day after Christmas.... That is why we are having thanksgiving here because he is working the day before and the day after and doesn't want to spend his only day off driving... Anyways Gotta go get ready for the day.... The only thing left for me to do is clean my room, and finish the dishes... I really slacked off yesterday and did nothing towards cleaning the house... so must make up for it today!

Monday, November 24, 2008


So I have a delima. You are looking at a picture of our T.V. About 6 months ago we turned if off, went somewhere and when we came home the T.V. wouldn't turn back on. Still to this day it won't come on.You can push the power button, the green lights comes on, but the picture never comes up. Then it turns itself off and on a couple of times until it finally just quits. So anyways I called this repair guy that is over there on Arkansas. We had gone in there before right when it happened, but at the time didn't have the money to get it fixed. They come out today and after 5 minutes they say that we have a bad power supply. Guess what they charged for 5 minutes of work? $97.15 Holy cranoles! Oh and the power get it fixed..... $600.00 are you serious? I mean come on..... Anyways he says that we have 7 days to either take them up on fixing it, or to buy a T.V. from them.... They will take our T.V. in and give us money towards one of their's as well as apply that money for coming out towards one. So Jeramy wants me to see how much they will give us for our television. I am going to go up there and talk to them tomorrow. Jeramy said I can't go with you because I work all day long. I was like can't I just steal you away for an hour...... he shot me down. That is a big purchase ya know. I told him I didn't want him to say the one I pick out sucks, or I should of done this.... he was like just call me when you are there. After you talk to him then call me and we can talk about it. Made me feel a little better but I still want him there. Maybe I am just being winey....We will see what happens tomorrow.....

Turkey Day

Okay so I went shopping for Thanksgiving today. I know..I waited until the last minute. I just couldn't make myself get up and join in the madness. But today the mission was done. It was really easy , probably too easy. I found everything that I needed, one stop shop. I figured that I would have to go all over the place to find it all, but good ol' walmart had it all. I really didn't have to get that much stuff. I just got the fridge things and Tabitha is going to get the dry things. Going to be a house full. On Wednesday Tabitha is coming over. She is spending the night. Then on Thursday , Jeramy ,me, Zane, Zoei, Tom, Tabitha, Melissa, Melody, Cheryl, Jeramy's G-Parents,Lindy, and Jeramy's little bro Kevin.Going to be pretty crazy, but fun at the same time. Jeramy said that no matter what he is keeping more than a plate full of Turkey this year.LOL!!! He said damn it, since I am buying it this year , I get to get more than just a plate full....I was laughing so hard, because he was so serious about it. He said it joking,but you could tell that he really ment it. Glad it's going to be here because that means no running around all day long. We get to chill here and watch the game. Play games....The kids always have a blast.....

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Slowly getting the mission done.....

Slowly accomplishing my mission at hand: Cleaning. Dreadful, time consuming, never going to end....yeah I could go on and on about how much I'm NOT wanting to do this today. But when you have a whole family coming over for Thanksgiving, you have to put on the "fake house". lol..... With kids and a husband and working, and kids school, and karate...... it is hard to keep the house clean. I use to be a clean freak! Jeramy use to tell me he was going to start calling me Monica from Friends because I was just like her. But not any more. I can't believe all of the shit that I have picked up today. Toys all over the place, spots on the kitchen table that I thought were never going to come off, Toilets.....I'm not even going there....Pretty nasty when you put it all together. As I sit here now in my living room, Clean living room, I am enjoying the sent of clean. I still have to clean the whole kitchen and do the dishes. Then make my way to my room and bathroom. And then sweep and mop the WHOLE house. ...oh the joys of having hard wood floors throughout your house. When the kids get home today from their dad's house, I am going to have them tackle Zoei's room. Zane's room has basically become the "Toy" room. So all they really have to do is take the toys that are in Zoei's room now and put them in the toy boxes in Zane's room, and then pick up all of their dirty clothes. Oh that is another thing.... I have so much laundry to do. Do you know how much I hate laundry? It is a never ending process. The day that you have ALL of the laundry done feels so good, but then you go to sleep that night and take off the clothes you had on for that day, and there you are no longer laundry free! There is a load itself when you think about shirts , pants, socks and undies for four people..... Oh the joy's of being a mom and a "wife." Would I change it for the world, Not for a million trillion dollars, but hey I can bitch sometimes can't I? It is now 1:10 in the afternoon, and I am exhausted....... maybe I can clean the rest of the house and then squeeze in a nap in before the kids get home at 6. I'm gonna try

Friday, November 21, 2008

Told to go shopping......NO WAY!!!!!

I just love my Jeramy! He just called me and asked me what I was doing. I said well kind of getting ready for work. He said is there anything at work that is really important? I told him that I think that Dr.C mailed all of the Rx's but that I had to go up there to make sure. He said well, why don't after you do that you go shopping. I said ,"what?" He said yeah, why don't you take the day off and go shopping. I said you are amazing. What man calls his woman and says go spend some Most men are like ,"What, you spent how much....on that... oh my gosh." HAHAHAHAHHAHAH Yes it is true and you know it. So I am going to get off of this computer and go up to the office. Make sure that there are not any Rx's up there waiting for people to come and pick them up. Then I am going shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


There is nothing better than waking up at 5:30 and getting a piece of ass, morning breath sleep in the eyes...ahhhh what could be better...... I know T.M.I. hahaha The day started off good in my book. Last night I got kind of mad at Jeramy. I talked to him at 4 and he said that they were going to go do some punch, then they would be off. So I said so I will see you in a couple of hours and he said yeah... So at 7 I txt him and asked him if he was going to be headed home anytime soon because dinner was ready. He said no, so I thought he was still working. At 8 I txt him again and said that I was hungry and to hurry his ass up because I was waiting on him to eat the enchiladas that I made. He txt me back and said not to worry about him....kind of weird I thought but didn't think anything of it. So at 9:20 I get a call from him, and I could tell from the moment he said Hey baby...that he was up to something. So he goes on to tell me that he and the guys went out and got some beers and had a guys night out after work. I said OK, he said I will just talk to you when I get home. So about 10 he comes home, drunk as shit. He thought that I was mad about him going out. I said I am not mad about you having friends and going out with them. I said I go out every Friday night with my girls, so that isn't what it is all about. He asked then what is it all about . He said is it because we went to Hooters. I said no, I could care less if you go to hooters. I said it is the fact that you never said anything to me about it. I said you know every time when I am going out , where I am going out to, who I am with. I said it makes me think that you were trying to get one over on me. He said why? I said because you could of called. You could of called and said hey the guys and i are going out be home in a little while. Or when I txt you , you could have put on there that you were going out. So he agreed that if I were to do the same that he would be a little mad too. And that next time he would tell me instead of calling me after the fact. I told him that if this would of happened a year ago, then I would of been really pissed. Because a year ago, I wasn't were I am now. I trust him with everything and know that he isn't going to do anything to hurt me, now..... I think he was a little shocked that I wasn't as mad as he thought that i would be. I tried to explain to him that I want him to have friends to go out with. I want him to have his guys night out. I said everyone needs their time away. I have nothing against that because I understand it. I look forward to my drinking nights on Friday's. Anyways he was really drunk. You all know that Jeramy doesn't drink that much... hardly at all. So he slammed 7 beers in about an hour and a half. He truly was drunk. I told him this morning that I haven't seen him that drunk in a LONG time. It was funny watching him. I wonder if I look like he did when I am that drunk?....... I love that little booger and so glad he is in my life. I know that it felt good for him to go out and get away for a little while. I know that it felt good to pay for all of the drinks for the guys....He spent girls...we are drinking it up It does good things for a person. ya know what I mean. He deserves it with him working 12-14 hour days. He would deserve it anyway, but you know what I am getting at. Life is oh so good right now, and we both are feeling on top of the world.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Church on Wednesday night

The image is really small but the feelings that you get when you have been in this place are bigger than life itself. Last night I went to church with Michele. This place is amazing. I feel in love with it when I went for the first time many months ago. Stephanie, Chele and I would go every Wednesday. Then I started going to school, and Jeramy's work schedule changed so I had to stop going. Well with all of this drama that has been surrounding me for the past couple of months, I decided that I needed to get grounded again. I needed to go back to the place where when I went for the first time I cried my eyes out. I needed to go back to the place where you can feel GOD in that place. The voice singing, the people dancing, the testimonies..... there are not words to describe what a powerful place it is. Everyone needs to experience The Well on Wednesday nights. There is no way that you can say there is no GOD when you have been there. It was really crazy because once again I felt like they were talking to me. My heart was open , and just listening to what GOD was saying. One of the singers said that he just wanted to say that GOD was telling him the word Defeated. Maybe there is a situation you are in or dealing with where you feel defeated, My eyes just started welling up with tears. I really hate this whole situation with Kyle. And I do feel defeated when I try to explain to him where I am coming from and he doesn't see it. I feel defeated when instead of him acknowledging what I am saying he automatically thinks it is me out to get him. So when he said that, I stood there in amazement. I needed to be there last night and hear those words. GOD has a plan for our lives. And HE will come through. No amount of stressing about it, no matter how many times you get up in the night thinking about it, GOD has a plan. HE knows what is best for this situation. HE knows everything that goes on, and HE will protect my babies. HE will show me what I need to do and how I need to do. We as a people are so blessed by GOD. We, well I for sure get caught up in the day to day "life". We all need to remember why we are here on this earth..... and it is to Glorify GOD, Praise GOD, teach people about GOD....... That is what it is all about. The material things, the stupid fights, the stress, the craziness of this life is nothing. When you think about GOD and his powers, his love for everyone, you have to stand in amazement. I am truly blessed with a wonderful life, and it is all because of HIM. GOD is oh so good, and so am I.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Getting thing out of my head....pondering

Okay, Okay I know I know. You are wondering if this girl ever stops writing. Does this chick ever run out of things to say. Answer to your question is NO.... my mind constantly runs, constantly thinks of this or that. I can't help it. lol So either deal with it or stop reading my blogs....lmao
What I am thinking about now... the hearing at the court house. Are they going to suspend Kyle's rights? Are they going to suspend his visitation? Are they going to put a warrant out for his arrest? I really don't know anything about it or what to expect. I am so caught between Kyle being their biological father, and Jeramy being their constant Father figure in their lives. Kyle says it is because of the divorce that he isn't around more than twice a month. Which is true, he can't legally take them more than every other weekend. I said this to Kyle yesterday so I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings but I personally think Jeramy is a better role model. They see him working everyday, all day long. They see him having a place to call home, a bed for them to sleep in, they see him paying the bills, they see him playing and loving on them. The life that Jeramy leads is one of a real man. Not bashing Kyle or anything but it is true. Kyle admits that he isn't stable. Kyle knows that I don't approve of how he lives his life and who is hangs around. But he is a 28 year old man, who can do what he pleases. I just don't think that the people that he hangs around, or the things that he does while the kids are with him should be allowed. No I don't know these people personally but I was with Kyle for 7 years. I know the kind of people he hangs around. Do I think that they need to be around people drinking and getting tattoos and That is not an environment that kids need to be around. Do I think that it is safe for their little minds to be in a different place with different people everytime they see I personally don't think Kyle should be in their lives until he gets stable, has a place to call his own, a place for them to come to. Wrong of me maybe to not want him around. But my thinking is if he can't provide for them like he needs to then he doesn't need to take them. He lives in south Texas, but when he takes the kids they stay at some dude's house. While they are there Kyle is doing tattoo's on the guy, all while the kids are left to find something to do. Last weekend they had fun because there were other kids there for them to play with, but Kyle is suppose to be spending time with them. He isn't suppose to be so busy doing something else that he can't just chill with them. Do I think the kids should know Kyle...yes. Regardless of everything that is their biological father so they should know him and have a relationship with him, but would it be better for them to have a relationship with him when they are older? I think so. I don't think they need to be involved in all of the changes in his life. I don't think they need to be involved in all the drama that surrounds his life. What do you think? Is it better for Kyle to be out of their lives until he gets stable? or Is it better for the kids to have a relationship with him now even though he is all over the place? I really don't know what to do, or what to think. Should he sign over his rights? He doesn't have to worry about going to jail then, He doesn't have to worry about having a place for them to come to, He doesn't have to worry about anything when it comes to them if that happens. I know Kyle see's me as the bad one. I know he looks at me like I am out to get him, which isn't true. I just want what is best for my children, and if he can't provide that for them, then in my opionion he needs to be out of the picture. Tell me what you think......

Starting the day off right

So my day started off wonderful. Usually Jeramy gets up at 5:30 and gets ready for work, then comes in the bedroom and kisses me before he leaves for work at 6:15. Well this morning Tristian the guy that picks him up was running late. So when my alarm went off at 6:40 he came in the bedroom. I got to snuggle with him until Tristian showed up.Then after he left he called me about 10 minutes later and said I just want to tell you that I love you more than anything and I hope you have a good day! Isn't that sweet? I really love that man more than life itself. I love that he goes out of his way to make sure that I know that he loves me. He thinks about all the small things. Which is what I really like. Yes you all know all of this already, but I just can't help but talk about it. I feel really lucky to have such a great guy in my life. Not only is he a great guy for me, but he is an awesome "dad" to the munchkins.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Heart to heart with ........

Heart to heart with Kyle Ray???? Yes you heard me right. He called me today because I had text him. I was just telling him that Zane wants to go with him this weekend but Zoei wanted to stay here because she wants to go to her friends birthday party. He said can we talk... I of course say yes. He said can we just get along. So I said that we need to because we have two children to raise. We talked about the court system and everything that is going on with that. I told him that he could call the attorney general and get the court date and everything. He said that it feels like to him that I want him out of the picture and I want Jeramy to be there dad. I said can I be quite honest with you right now. He said yes. So I told him that I though that Jeramy was a better role model than he is, But that HE is their biological father and there is nothing to change that. That I want him to do everything that he is suppose to do. I told him that the kids love him and have a blast with him. They know nothing other than that is their father and they love him. They still have innocent eyes. I told him what I have always told him that I will never talk bad about him to them. Regardless of everything that is their father. Point blank, plain and simple. He said something to me about Jeramy getting on the phone last time we got into it. I told him that the reason was because we were going back and forth yelling and screaming and nothing was getting done. So Jeramy took the phone so that he could calm the situation down. Kyle said that he doesn't want that to happen again. He doesn't want to have to deal with Jeramy. I said ok. I don't have a problem with it as long as things don't get crazy again. I told him that if Rachel says one more thing that I am going to put her in her place. I said quite frankly she has been around for four months, and knows nothing about the past eleven years. I told him she doesn't even have custody of her own daughter so for her to tell me what she thinks I am doing wrong as a parent, or what I need to do with my children is out of line. I don't have anything against her, but when you cross that line, i am done with you, and will have no problem telling you what I think of you. ya know what I mean??? She should of kept her nose out of it. According to him he has either already told her or will tell her to shut up. We agreed that as long as he does what he is court ordered to do then I won't have a problem with him. He asked me to quit calling his time with the kids just a play date. I said that I would. I told him that is going off of a lot of other times. I said that before these past 6 weeks, and before he took them for the summer, He would go months without seeing the kids. He said that he understood that. He told me that when he said that he was going to call CPS on me that he just said it out of anger. I told him that my biggest fear, and he knows it is that my kids have to go live with him, or someone else for that matter. I said there is nothing that I am doing wrong as a mother, and he agreed. We ended on pretty good terms. I feel like he got to say what he needed to say and I got to tell him what I wanted to tell him. So as of right now everything is all good in this hood.....

Marriage.... putting off...... maybe.......

So Jeramy and I were talking yesterday and it is still up in the air but we might be putting off the wedding for a little while. Being that we haven't really done anything to prepare for it, and can't afford a wedding planner........ Like I said it is still up in the air. We haven't made up our minds yet. I did tell him that I don't want to wait another year to have a kid. Wrong???? Not being married before we have a kid. In GOD's eyes it is. I don't know. I told him my plan was to get my IUD taken out in Jan., then us get married in March, and I was planning on being prego by the But it looks like now my plan might still be on, just not the marriage in March. Last night was the first night that we talked about it. I have mixed feelings about it. I really want to get married, but money wise, it wouldn't be smart. I guess having a baby wouldn't be money smart The big thing is there are so many benifits to being a "single" mother right now. If Jeramy and I get married then those options go away...or atleast go down. Having another baby wouldn't change the options that I am talking about... Who knows what will happen. We will see.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Well started off just random, but got into letting things off my chest

It's Monday..... It is about 2:30 in the afternoon. I am home from work, and now I am just waiting on the clock to go get the kids from school. Nothing really exciting happened today

Well Nothing worth talking about. Seems pretty chill. Espically after all of the drama that I went through this weekend. I don't know why it always has to come to that with him ya know. I guess it just comes with the territory of being the ex-wife/mother of his children. Pretty sad when you think of it all. We use to be eachother's everything. It was Kyle and I against everything and everyone, and now it is April against Kyle. I am sad for the kids that they have to go through all of this. No they don't know everything that is going on. They know some from over hearing me talk about it, and then they ask questions. I can't tell them everything because after all that is their father ya know. So I just explain it to them the best that I know how. Without trashing Kyle. All they know is that is their father and they love him. Which is the way that I want it to be. I have always said that I would never talk crap about him to them. Yes I write it on here, but the kids don't know this web site even exists. Besides if they did, I have parental controls over what they can do on the computer and you can't get to this site....No matter what my feelings are towards him and his actions, that is their father. There is nothing that I can do to change that. I just have to protect them. It is hard to protect them when I don't know where he is living, I don't know where he is taking them, i don't know what kind of situations he is putting them in. I just have to pray that GOD looks out for them while they are with him. Even with all of the crazy things that have happened while they are with him, they have never been hurt in the end. We all know that is from the Man upstairs. LORD knows there are a lot of things that could of happened with some of the things that they have done while they were in his care. When they are with me I know without a doubt that they are taken care of better than anyone else could ever take care of them. It is what being a mother is all about. We, as mother's know what is best for our children. There is just this instinct that comes with being a mother. I love those little boogers more than life itself. I would do anything and everything to make sure they are taken care of , and are getting the best that I can give them. I wish their other parent would take charge and do the same but that is never going to happen. I don't know when I will realize that he isn't going to be the kind of dad that I think he should be. He isn't going to put them before himself. That hurts my heart to think that they come second in his life, but that is just how it is. Nothing and no one is going to change who he is. I have to some how learn to be at peace with that. Will I do everything in my power, what I can legally do to make sure he is doing what he needs to be doing , yes. But in the end it isn't going to change anything. Letting go of your expectations of someone is really hard to do. I expect him to do so much more, but he only does what he has to do to get by. Well really he doesn't do that. Yes for the past 6 weeks he has picked them up on his weekends, but that is the first time that is has happened since we split up. He did keep them when we first split up back in 05, But that was due to Zane still being in school, and me having to live with someone else. I didn't want to take him out of school, move to arlington and then have to move again to our apartment. So it was really only for about 2 months after I left him that they stayed with Kyle. Then after Jeramy and I moved into our apartment they came to live with us. That was a crazy time in my life. I was working at UPS. I would work from 2 am till 8am, then come home and stay up with them all day long until my mom got home at 6 or 7. Then she would watch them so that I could go home and get a couple of hours of sleep before I would have to wake up at midnight and do it all over again. Things we will do to make sure our kids are taken care of. This life of mine has been a whirl wind to say the least. But in the end I wouldn't change any of it. I would go through all of the crazy drug induced bullshit with Kyle, I would live at my moms house while he lived in the waffle house parking lot in our car, I would stick up for him when everyone was telling me to get out. I would take all of the fights and heart ache again. Because all of it has gotten me where I am today. I wouldn't look at life like I do, I wouldn't know the tell tell signs of bullshit, I wouldn't know any of life's ups and downs.And most important I wouldn't have my children, so for that part I am thankful. I have been on this planet for 25 years..... I am curious as to what the next 25 years are going to bring.

My Name

Holy Crap, my name is still April Williamson. I was talking to SSI about Zane and she was trying to find him. The case number that I had went to a different department so she said what is your name. I said April Bowling. She tried to look it up by that and didn't find anything. So she asked me what my social security number was and I told her. She said your name is still listed as April Williamson....... My mouth hit the floor. lol. She is going to send me the paperwork to change it, but I got to thinking is it really worth it? I am getting married in four months and will have to change it again. So do I just keep it Williamson for now and just change it when Jeramy and I get married? There really is no point in getting another ss card when I will be getting another one is four months ya know. Crazy Crazy. I never went by Williamson even when we were married. I always kept Bowling I never took his last name. Oh well.....not really much to do about it now. I mean I could but what it the point. I am really amused by it. I thought for sure I was done with everything that I needed to do. The judge even asked me when we were getting our divorce and I told him that there was no reason to change my name back to Bowling because I never used Williamson while we were married. I really don't know how it all happened but that is how they have it.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday Morning

It is 9:32 Sunday morning and I am the only one who is awake. The kids are still sunggled up in bed sleeping. Jeramy is in bed, but I don't know if he is sleeping or just laying there. The cats are running around like crazy. I need to go get them some food. I hear Zane coughing...I wonder if he is getting sick. He had a snotty nose yesterday, so I wonder if it has gone into his chest. It is so cold in my house right now. I had been telling my landlord that he needed to fix the a/c heater because the compressor was going out. It was making this loud crazy noise for a long time. So on Friday a man showed up to fix it. He took the compressor out and tried to fix it. He put it back in and it was still making that same noise. So he said that he was going to call Tony and tell him that he needs to replace the whole until. Good news for us ya know. The bad part about it is he wasn't going to be able to make it back over until next week. SO that means no heater. I went last night and bought two space heaters to put one in the kids room and one in our room. It did the trick for the rooms, but being that there was nothing in the living room all night , it is cold as shit in here right now. Anyways I am going to go to the store to buy biscuits and gravy and eggs and bacon. Gonna make a big home cooked country breakfast this morning. Peace out!!!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Happy with my life and the choices that I have made

There are so many things that I want to say to her. There are so many things that I want to say to him. But I will save it all for the court room. They can say that I left my kids for dope. Never happened. Kyle and I split up because he bashed my head up against a window while I was 8 months prego. I will take a drug test to prove the smoking weed thing is not true. Getting caught cheating in my own bed, its a laugh. I never cheated on Kyle. He for 7 years cheated with everyone and everything. She might want to get tested just to be I have to remind myself that she is looking stupid because she is getting all of her information from Kyle. We all know Kyle lies and says whatever he needs to say for the moment in time. It will all come out. They have to talk crap about me and make up lies because they are not big enough to admit that they are in the wrong. It is easier for Kyle to make me the bad person than to admit that he is in contempt of court. That is alright. He is a 28 year old man living with his mommy and has nothing to offer his children. I understand where he feels less of a man. I will just pray for them.

Can you tell that she is getting her information from Kyle

A responsible parent does not leave their kids for 2 years because they prefer dope over their own children. A responsible parent does not leave their children at home while the mom and stepdad goes to the store... That is so sad when the kids called me crying. A responsible parent does not talk to a person who has poisoned their kids in the past with a combination of cold medicine and sleeping pills... Damn I wish I did not have to be there when it happened. A responsible parent does not sis outside on their front porch smoking weed while the kids can see and smell it... I hate it when they tell me this about the other irresponsible parent. a responsible parent does not bitch and whine about support and money but buys a fucking computer.... I hope the kids can still eat. A responsible parent does not slander the other parent over the internet because the kids do see everything... SUCKS. And we shall continue..... A mature parent does not go out and get trashed and then writes about it for everyone to see.... What a DRUNK. A mature person would not act like a child when it comes to adult situations...." she deleted her comment, haha".... GROW UP....You are a parent and not in high school. Maybe that is what this person feels like...Stuck in high school mode. No one should bring the other person's mother into this. NOT A GOOD IDEA. You cant be an adult about this situation. And stop crying and complaining about your boyfriend working so damn much. You could just do what you did before.... cheat on him, in your own bed, while he is at work, so he can catch you like you were caught before. Maybe you act the way you do because you are used to being a baby.I am posting this for everyone to see how fucked up this is. Going to church will not make you look like a better person. It only proves that you are decieving others. No I do not go to church. I do not believe in religion or this so called god. If someone is in hospital and sick, god will not save you, the medicines that the hospital does. Dont thank god... thank your local hospital and doctors for saving your sick and wounded ass. Dont thank god that you got a job or a raise, thank yourself for getting up off that ass and getting it.And So what I post pictures of me. That is me and my life, not yours to be reposting them and running your mouth about. Maybe you wont like it if I put pictures of you and your boyfriend, fuckbuddy, or whatever it is, smoking weed on the front porch. You can say whatever you want. I know what the truth is. its all in the evidence. I think it is time for everyone to STOP, TAKE A BREATH and all just shut the fuck up!!! There is no reason for a 25 year old to act like a 5 year old

I'm not even going to respond to this. Everyone who knows me and has been around since Kyle came into the picture knows the truth. Everything that he said that I did, HE did. I am sorry that Rachel doesn't believe in GOD, and is being feed all of these lies by Kyle. We need to pray that she realizes what is really going on. We need to pray for her soul.

Friday, November 14, 2008


I am really amused with this whole Kyle thing. I have so much more to say about it. And since he yelled at me for writing things for the whole world to see, I might as well do it some more just to piss him off. What would his life be if I weren't in it to make him mad? Na I'm just playing. It is funny to me that he gets so mad at me and I am the bad one for doing what I said I would never do. Yes when we were still in love and things were good we both agreed that we would never make the other one pay child support. But you know what I was young and dumb. I wasn't living in the real world then if ya know what I mean. Growing up and maturing over these past couple of years, I have learned to let go of taking care of him. I have learned to let go of the things that he does in his life. It is now all about the kids. Their well being comes first and that means that their father(biological) needs to grow up and be a man and take care of these two kids. If he doesn't want to then he needs to sign over his rights. Either be a real man and pay for your children, see them when you are suppose to or go the fuck on. They don't need a part time dad or a play date twice a month. They have a "dad" here and friends at Anyways I could go on and on about a lot of things, but I'm not. He can just deal with what he has brought on himself.

round 50 million in the Kyle drama

So here is round 50 million of the Kyle drama He just called me bitching at me for writing the blog about getting a court date. He is mad because he says that I am putting our personal business out for the whole world to see. So I said to him, do you not post pictures and video's of what you are doing in your life? I posted a couple of the ones that he has posted just to prove my point. I said if it wasn't about you then you wouldn't care what I was saying. He said that he is going to print off all of this, just like he said a couple of weeks ago, and show it to the judge. I said I will print it off for you. These are blogs, journals whatever you want to call them. I have things on here from way back in 05. I have journals form when I was 13 years old. I have always been a writer. Just my way of getting things out of my head. Anyways he went on to say that he'll be glad if they throw him in jail. Atleast that way he will get a place to sleep and three square meals a day. Isn't that immature? He said you obviously are not doing too bad. You have a new car, you have a computer in your house now...etc.... I'm trying to get things in order so that I can do that. I said it isn't Jeramy's place to work 14 hours a day just to make sure the kids are taken care of. It isn't about how much money or how much Jeramy works. It is about him not paying for his children. It's about him not doing what he is court ordered to do.I told him that he has been "trying" for the past four years. I said you don't try Kyle you live off of this girl for three months, and either she gets tired of you or you find someone else and you move on to the next one. Nora was the only one that he stayed with for more than 4 months. He said that is why I am not trying to take them from you full time. I said oh...that isn't what you said 6 weeks ago. Remember 6 weeks ago he was going to take me to court and get the kids, he was going to call CPS on me. He already had a lawyer and had already printed off the papers and had given them to his lawyer. BULLSHIT!!! I knew it from the begining. He isn't going to do any of it. It is my job to stick up for these kids, and that is what I am going to do. If it means his life being harder then so be it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

you will get tired of me saying this

You are going to get tired of me saying the same thing over and over again. But I am having Jeramy I miss that little booger. Today is going to be yet another long day. It is going to take me getting use to him not being here a lot. I was so use to him being here when I left for work in the mornings. Then I would come home and we would walk together to go get the kids. We would eat dinner together as a family and then the kids would go to bed and we would chill, then go to bed and start the day over again. Now he is gone when I get up in the mornings. He kisses me and we say we love eachother and have a good day and all the little kid things we say to eachother. Then he is off.... for a long time. I am so happy that he is going to be off on Sunday. I told him he isn't allowed to get out of bed unless he has to pee. Period. If he is hungry then I will get it for him, if he wants this or that I will do it. Working two weeks straight without a day off would take it's toll on anyone, but working 14 hour days during that two week period will REALLY take it's toll on someone. Thankful....yes. Greatful....yes. Proud of him....yes. I just miss him

Court date

So I finally got a court date! YEA!!!!! The whole child support system is a joke. First the person has to be over 30 days behind. Then they send out a letter and they have 30 days to respond to that . If they don't then they send out another letter and they have 15 days to respond to that. After they find out where he is working they send out a wage withholding form and the employer has 4 to 6 weeks to respond to it. All the while the mother is stuck. No money coming in from the other parent. Not that it is going to make or break me. 46 Dollars a week for two kids is a joke anyway. But it is the principal behind all of it. If you help make kids you have to pay for the kids. Doesn't matter what is going on in your own life, you still have to pay for the kids. Their well being and their needs comes before everything and anything you could ever want. Some of us have realized that but some of us haven' So with a lot of bitching on my part, they finally set up a court date. I am so excited because I finally get to do something about him not paying. I finally get to say to a judge that he hasn't paid anything until June. I get to tell the judge that he is in contempt of court on so many levels. He might go to jail but at this point in time I really don't care. I have tried the nice way, I have tried saying okay let him get on his feet and then he will pay, I have tried screaming matches with him about how he doesn't do our kids right and how even court ordered he still does nothing for these kids. Nothing is going to work. Nothing I say or do is going to make him see that he HAS to pay the money. So maybe a judge will make him pay. I get to tell the judge that my kids come home telling me how their dad doesn't wake up with them in the morning to feed them. He tells them that they have to wait until he wakes up to eat. Now I am not there, but the kids are 7 and 5 now. They know when something is not right. They have been in such a routine for the past 3 1/2 years. They are use to getting up at 7 or 8 in the morning and eating. They are use to going to bed by 8:30. According to them their father doesn't do anything. Pretty said that they can realize that. For so long I was the one saying I'm not going to do anything about it. I always was worried about him and his well being but not anymore. These kids deserve the best that we can give them and he isn't doing anything. Yes for the past 6 weeks he has shown up on time to pick them up on his weekends. He started off not dropping them off until 6, but this last time is was closer to 5:45. So it just tells me that next time it is going to be earlier. I have to say that I didn't expect him to last this long with picking them up and doing that part of it. But in all honesty that is the only thing that he does for them. Pick them up and drop them off. I am really excited about the court date. Finally a judge is going to hear what has been going on. Hopefully he see's where I am coming from in being scared for my kids safty while they are with him. Every time they see him they spend the night at someone else's house. A couple of weeks ago they were at some house and the kids came home telling me that they spent one night there and then the next day they went to get something to eat and came back. Kyle and this guy I guess started fighting and the guy got a knife out and told Kyle he had 5 minutes to get out of the house. My kids were there to see that. I asked Kyle about it and he told me the kids were lying. So I went and asked the kids. I said you know that story you just told me, and they were both like yeah...I said I asked your dad about it and he told me that you two were lying. There little mouths hit the floor. Both said mommy we are not lying. They were fighting and then on the way to meme's house he was calling all of his friends telling them what happened. They couldn't believe that their dad called them liars. I guess this past weekend they went over there again, and their dad told them that they were just playin. So Zane said our dad just played a joke on us..... I am thinking in my head screw that. He is just trying to make the kids feel better. He is lying to the kids. I know after being with Kyle for 7 years and living with him all over the place for 5 years exactly what happens. I have been in that situation many times with him. I don't want my kids involved in that shit ya know. Anyways GOD is good and will come through in this situation. I know he will make things right.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


So there is another long night ahead for this man. Yesterday he left the house at 6:30am, and walked back in the door at 10:30. He stayed up long enough to eat and take a bath to ease his sore body. Then he was off to sleep. He was suppose to get up at 5:30 this morning but overslept. The alarm went off for me at 6:35. I thought when it went off it was for Jeramy but he said April you have to get up too. I was like why??? He then informed me of what time it was. He got up and got ready really quickly. In the process Tristian called and said are you up already? Why didn't you call me. Jeramy was like I just got up too man, and I was going to get ready and then call you. Everyone overslept today but after working for 14 hours I guess it is allowed. Lol......Anyways he left the house this morning and it is 8:20 and he still isn't home. He said they were going to finish one more house and then he would be home. So hopefully if I get my wish he will be walking in the door within the next 45 minutes or so. I hope for his sake that he isn't out until 10:30 again....we will see.... All in a day of the life of the Wilcox's......

Prayers worked...Update on Nate

So I just checked my voicemail and Nora called. She said in her message that everything went well. He is in ICU right now but that he is going to be transfered to his own room. PRAISE GOD!!!! That is a major surgery to go through, brain surgery and with GOD's help, everything went as planned. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!

About Me

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Welcome to the wonderful life of me! I am married to my best friend, my soul mate, my right hand man, the love of my life and we have been blessed with 3 beautiful Z kiddos. Jeramy and I have known each other since we were 14 &16, and have been married for 5 years. He is in the Army and I get to be a stay at home mommy :) We have had our ups and downs, life hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we are blessed!