Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Morals...

Okay so I'm not putting out names of anyone because I don't want you all up in their business, but I am really stunned. There are lines that you don't cross with friends. When someone is with someone no matter if it has been 2 weeks or 10 years, when your friend is with someone, you keep your freakin hands off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no excuse, drunk, high, stumbling whatever, there is no excuse for you to cross that line and mess with another persons man. Sorry doesn't cut it. Why would you want to be the reason that you lose a friendship and they lose a relationship over something that should of never happened in the first place. UUGGGGHHHHH!!! I am very disappointed and shocked. People need to grow up and be accountable for their actions. YOU are the one who puts yourself in that situation, YOU are the one who allows things to happen. Don't try and put the blame on someone else. Just be a big enough person to admit that you fucked up. Hiding things and keeping secrets are only going to catch up with you. GROW THE FUCK UP!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

LOVE:


This weekend was so good for my soul. Friday Kyle picked up the kids..ugghh! But anyways I was suppose to go to a haunted house with the girls, but Jeramy didn't get off until 6. So I went and picked him up and we ate dinner. Then we came back home and just started chillin. Talking about everything and anything under the sun. I decided not to go with the girls and just chill at home with Jeramy. We took a bubble bath, and just snuggled wuggled in bed. Then Saturday Jeramy had to work so we got up at 5:40 in the morning and I took him to work. I went and picked him up around 6 or so. We came home and got ready and then went to Stephanie's 26th birthday party. Really chill, low key. At her house, just drank a couple of beers and played Apples to Apples which is the best game in the world~ Then about midnight Jeramy and I left and went home and went to sleep. It was good for "us" ya know. Just the time alone. With him working all of these crazy hours I was really missin him. Yes I still see him everyday but not as much as I did. :(.....tear ~ Anyways I love my little life...

Friday, October 24, 2008

GOD is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!


The man who created this amazing sky has once again put me in my place. When am I ever going to realize that GOD works when the time is best, GOD is going to do things on his time, not ours. No matter how much stress you put yourself through, no matter how many nights you wake up in a panic, no matter how much you beg and plead, GOD will work on his time. I am still on cloud 9 and just stunned in amazement. You wanna know the story: Yesterday , well let me back up. Last year I applied for SSI for Zane. Since he is considered to have a disability he can qualify for it. The reason wasn't the money that I did it. I did it because as long as he gets SSI he will get medicaid. With him having ADHD I always want him to be able to get his meds. No matter if his job has benefits or not. So I applied and they denied him. I appealed the decision and sent in records from his school and by that time I had more reports to send in from Dr. Carlin. This happened about a month ago, maybe two. I hadn't heard anything back from them. Not a letter saying the received the records, or if he was approved or denied. So I go out to my mail box yesterday and find a blue envelope that had United States Treasury on it. I am thinking, probably my guilty concessions what the crap did I do wrong? I open it and it is a check for 1911.00 !!!!!!!! As you know I live on Kelly Elliott, I almost fell out in the street. I came in the house, and was trying to figure out what it was and why it was in my name in my mail box. You all know those pieces of junk mail that you get that have a check and say this could be yours if...... well that is what I thought it was. So I try putting the envelope back together to see what it says on the back.I put the check up to the light to see if it had the watermark stamp on it. I finally got it back together and it says from social security. .... I texted everyone and was like holy crap.... this is what just happened to me...I am still today in shock. The thing that is so crazy is Jeramy and I were talking on the way to work yesterday trying to figure out what bills we had to pay and what we could get by without paying. When I dropped him off we ended the conversation by saying we will just talk about it tonight when he got home. This this check comes in the mail... GOD is so good. My daughter Zoei asked me how we got the money and I said it is from GOD above. This little girl got down on her knees and put her hands together and said thank you GOD , you are awesome, Amen. PRICELESS!!!! Once again HE has put my in my place and made me realize once again that HE is in control.GOD is good, and so am I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Shout out to my man!


Have I ever told you how much I love this man? Seriously I am so blessed to have him in my life! This man is working 10-12 hours a day 6-7 days a week right now. He actually got to go into work late today because we had to open another account at Compass Bank. So I took the kids to school this morning and came back home.While I was getting ready we were talking, which I miss so much right now. You don't get to say much to someone who you see for the ride to work at 6 in the morning, and for an hour after they get home at 8. Anyways we were talking about his job. I told him I was having Jeramy withdrawls. LOL...I said I got so use to him being home in the mornings before I went to work, then I would come home and we would walk together to go pick up the kids from school. He was there. But now I hardly see him. So we were talking about his new job, and how much he likes it. The atmosphere is so different than when he was working for John, he is bringing home way more money, the guys that he works with are cool. Things are really starting to look up for us. And it is all thanks to GOD first of all, but also for this hard working man who will do anything to take care of his family. I told him today that I have never known a man other than my father , who would work sun up till sun down, and not think a thing about it. He would do it everyday if he had too.I have so much respect for him. I am truly blessed and so in love!

Are you serious?


I am so freakin frustrated right now. As you all know my boss is a horder. Seriously if you came into this office you would be shocked. Beyond shocked! There are piles of junk all over the place. There is a path way that you walk in, there are boxes all over the place, piles of mail stacked up on my desk because she has no where else to put them. I come into work today and there is this shitty note saying that she is mad because she didn't have all of the charts she needed for yesterday. And she is mad because she had to come in last night and search for her schedule for today. I faxed over the chart info she needed yesterday, but you know where Ifound the charts, in a chart in the KITCHEN with mail on top of it. First of all the charts are suppose to go in the hall in the cabinet. How in the hell am I suppose to know that she moved the charts to a chair in the kitchen? I can't read her mind. Shit half of the time she doesn't know where her shit is.. How can she get mad at me and take it out on me? SHE is the one who is disorganized, not me. My little spot on my desk where I work is clean, and all put together. The other half of my desk is filled with her junk!UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH~~~~
Seriously this is crazy!She needs to bring her ass in here and clean up her stuff, then maybe she will be able to find things.... Or atleast put the things that I have to find back where they go!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Hump-day



Today is HUMP-DAY!! Make sure you do it justice! lol... anyways my schedule is so off. I am use to getting up with the kids at 7 on the weekdays, and then usually I am up with them by 8 or so on the weekends, whenever they get up. But these past two days we have had to take Jeramy to work. Yesterday we got up at 5:45, and left the house at 6:10. Then today we got up at 5:30, and hit the snooze button one too many times.lol. So I didn't get the kids ready for school like I ususally do. We just got them up got their pillows, and a blanket, and got in the car and left. I had Jeramy in North Ft. Worth and at 7 this morning the kids and I were headed back. I actually got them home and ready for school with out them being late...HELL YEAH!!! I am super mom... hey I can toot my horn every once and awhile... Jeramy worked another 45 hours this week. Meaning as of next week, hopefully if everything goes right, we will be caught up on all of our bills.It is really nice for him to be making the kind of money he deserves to be making. He has over ten years invested into Trim Carpentry, so now it is finally paying off. He eventually wants to go out on his own again, but this will do for the mean time. We have decided what we are going to do about school. I am going to drop my math class for this semester. I am going to three classes right now, but with Jeramy's work schedule, Zane having projects to do for school, and Zoei having homework to do, me going to school isn't working too well.Not when I have to be gone from 6:30 till 10:00. Shit half of the time Jeramy isn't off of work in time. Then next semester I am going to cut it back to one class and just go in the mornings. I know it is going to take me forever to get it done by doing it this way, but it is like a double bladed soard. I have to have an education to fall back on, something for our future to make a lot of money. But at the same time Jeramy has to work now, because we all know how the economy is going, and when there is work in the field he is in...he has to do it then...and my kids are growing now, they are having homework now... they aren't just going to stand by and let me finish school and then decide to grow up..lol. So I am okay with it taking a little longer than I expected..okay A LOT longer than what I wanted but you got to do what you got to do.
My mom is leaving for NEW YORK CITY today..I can't imagine her there, with her strong texas twang... it will be fun for her though. Something that she has always wanted to do. She took my camera with her to take pictures. Praying that she will be alright in that big ol' city...lol peace out!!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

overwhelmed


I really don't know what to do... School has taken a backseat and this is not the way that I wanted it to go. Jeramy has been working some serious hours. We are talking SERIOUS!!!! He worked yesterday from 6 in the morning until 8 last night.It was fine when he was doing his own thing, or when he wasn't working at all because he was always there to keep the kids at night. But that isn't the case anymore. Over half of the time he isn't home in time for me to leave at 6:30 to go to school. So therefor my school is really falling to the back burner. Dropping out isn't an option for me. I have to have an education to fall back on ya know. Jeramy can't be the only one bringing in the money . So the decision is to move to mornings next semester, or do it online. I don't know if Dr. Carlin is going to be okay with me coming in later. But then again I don't know if I have enough discipline to do it online.... things to ponder on...I just feel overwhelmed. Oh yeah and Zane has tutoring on Monday Wednesday and Saturday's, both Zane and Zoei have karate on Tuesday's... I have to worry about getting Jeramy home if he rides with Tommy... so many things to do and not enough time to do it in... Need some suggestions... seriously.. what to do?

Monday, October 20, 2008

My drunkin Friday Night


Yes, that was me on Saturday night. Let me back up and tell you the story. We all went out for David Murphy's girlfriends birthday party at Milo's. We started off the night with a some beer, but then the shots started coming. You know through out these past few months, I have drank a LOT. I have build up quite a tolerance for shots. Thanks to my shot happy girls...you know who you are...anyways. At midnight, I had two beers, and 5 shots. I am sitting in my chair thinking, I am pretty drunk. Then I gotta pee. So I walk to the bathroom and as soon as I sit down to start peeing... the room starts going a million miles a minute. So Rachelle is in there with me, and here comes the puking... I puked three times in the bathroom. I almost fell on the side of the toilet while I was puking..Thanks for Rachelle for being in there and holding me up...Then finally Tabitha comes in there and is like do you need a ride home.. I just shake my head. I can't open my eyes.... So needless to say Tabitha drives my car home, I get in the truck with Carl. He drives me home. I eventually make in into my house. I don't remember going to bed or how I got there.
Then on Saturday when Jeramy gets home from work. I start talking to him. I was saying that I got trashed last night, and I didn't mean too, we were just suppose to go out for a couple of beers. ya I know... never going to happen, but anyways Jeramy said yeah I know you were drunk.. I said how did you know it was only 12:45 and you were already passed out. He said that I woke him up cuz I when I was trying to get into my room, I basically bounced back in forth in the door way...lol.. then I slid myself down the wall , striped my clothes off and fell into bed... WOW!!! That is not what I planned on happening that night..but the liquor got the best of me....lol..good times.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday!


Today is FRIDAY!!! I am so happy about that! I don't have any plans for tonight. Shannon and Rachelle are going to a birthday party , but I think I am going to stay at home and chill with the family. Watch movies, play with the kids, then when they go to sleep , play with Jeramy..WINK.WINK...
Tomorrow Zane goes to tutoring for the first time. He was suppose to start on Wednesday but there was a little hick up we will call it... (not suppose to tell anyone what happened) So we had to call it off. We were going to do it on Friday's but Barbara has another kid to tutor, so we are meeting on Saturday at 1. Then hopefully I will be able to meet up with my friend Melissa. We have been friends for over 15 years. She lived down the street from me when I was a kid. I haven't seen her in 6 years. Long time I know. And sad to say last time she saw me Kyle and I were still together, strung out. When we started talking again, I told her I was sorry. I honestly don't remember everything that happened because I was not in my right mind, but I was like whatever happened, whatever I did, I am sorry!! So anyways we started talking a few months ago, and still have yet to get together. I told her Jeramy was working, but that we could meet at a park or something. That way the kids can play while we talk. I am really excited about seeing her!Then Saturday night my mom is going to watch the kids. So Jeramy, me, Shannon, Tony and Rachelle are going to Tabitha and Carl's house for a bbq. Late night bbq...lol. Jeramy has to work and so does everyone else , so we are going to wait for everyone to get off and get ready then we are all going to ride in the same car. It will be fun. Plan on getting a little tipsy... of course. When us girls get together the party is on!! I am so happy that Jeramy is going to come with me. He rarly goes anywhere, and he espically doesn't like drinking, so for him to go is a real treat for me. Well I hope everyone has a wondermuss Friday, and a kick ass weekend!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Moving


Moving??? Really ?? Jeramy and I were talking about moving. This subject has come up many times before, so I am thinking is this really suppose to happen? Do I really move across country? Do I pick and leave everything that I have ever known? Yes I have lived away from everything and everyone before, do I do it again. I have been praying hard about this subject, and I don't know what to do. Jeramy can made such a better living for us there. There are more houses going up there, and more steady work, better pay. I'm talking 23 dollars an hour for the same thing that he is doing now.....Will I be happy? Will my children be happy? This is so hard!! It would be different if there weren't two kids involved ya know. But since there are you have to think about schools, areas that are good for children to live in.... So many things to think about. I am going to get some information about the cost of living, how the schools are rated, etc...and then I guess we will go from there. We have already decided that if it is going to happen then we are going to plan on Jeramy going there in January. Signing a 6 month lease in an apartment. Then the kids and I staying here until they are out of school, and then move there in June. I'm just going to keep praying. I'm going to get the facts, we are going to talk about it, then we are just going to pray. I know that GOD will let me know if it is a good thing or not. My biggest fear is getting there and then falling on our faces ya know. There will be no friends or family there to fall back on. But if Jeramy goes out there before we do then we will know what kind of money he will be making, what we can afford, what we need to be making..etc... a lot of things to think about!!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

IT's a good day

You know I am currently the owner of a wonderful life. Truly a blessed life. I have noticed that lately I have gotten caught up in defending myself to people that don't matter. I know in my heart and soul that what I am doing is what I need to be doing. I don't have to justify anything to anyone. I have a wonderful relationship with Jeramy. We "get" eachother. My children are my life, and I would do anything for them. My friendships are a very special part of my life, School is awesome.... Things are good. Things are going to happen in this life that will drive you crazy. I need to learn to be a bigger person, and not let it get to me. I need to realize that people are going to say things just to push my buttons, people are going to do things that I don't agree with, and I just need to let it go. Do I plan on holding certain people accountable, yes. But I am going to go about it the right way. No more yelling and screaming. I'm done with it. I can say that now hopeing that next time I don't get wrapped up in the crazyness. I hope that I can learn to be a bigger person. Anyways I met with Zane's tutor yesterday. He starts tomorrow. We are going to do it Monday, Wednesday and Friday's from 4 to 5. I think this lady will be good for him. She use to be a sub teacher. She had a 31 year old son that has ADHD, and she chose not to put him on meds. He made it through school, so that gives me hope for Zane Man. I know he will make it through it, I just want him to have an easier time with it. Anyways I hope everyone has a wondeful day like I am having.Peace out!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

On another note:

Today is Monday. The kids don't have to go to school today. Love days like this when we don't have to get up and hit the floor running. Jeramy did though. He left the house at 6 this morning to go to work. That is what a REAL MAN does. The kids and I cleaned the house this morning, watching cartoons, and just chilled. There is still a lot of laundry that I need to do, but that will get done one load at a time. Today I am meeting with Zane's tutor. I am really excited about it. She wanted me to bring Zane but I decided against that. I want to get a feel for this lady before I introduce her to him. Hopefully we can get something started on Wednesday. I told her that we couldn't do it on Tuesday's cuz both of the kids have Karate. I am trusting that all of this will work out like it is suppose to. Really stoked about it all. Anyways gonna go home and chill with the kids and Jeramy. Peace out!!

This is for the person who is to scared to admit who they are!

Here is your proof... HAHAHAHA


Is this person serious? She said she knows who I am cheating on Jeramy with...lol.I am seriously falling out of my chair laughing so hard. This person has nothing better to do with their time than to worry about what I am doing with my life. She said she sat and heard what I was doing to Kyle for years... that is a joke cuz Kyle has never been with anyone for more than 3 months. And another thing if she is getting her information from Kyle.... it is all lies. Kyle can't tell the truth espically if it makes him look better. Me cheating on Kyle is a joke also. Why don't you ask him about that. HE was the one cheating on me. You can say whatever you want to say, you can post whatever you want to post. I hope you feel like a bigger and better person for saying it. To everyone else you are just making yourself look like a fool. If you are so sure of yourself, then why don't you say who you are? I know why... cuz I will laugh in your face and put you in your place faster than anything. You have to hide...it's okay... I don't really care who you are or what you say.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Reflection



My little munchkins are coming home today. I am so happy! This past week has been crazy and I am just happy to get them back in my arms. I have talked to a lot of Kyle's family and they too all agree with me. So I am at the point now where I don't care what he says, I don't care what he does. He can do whatever he needs to make himself feel like a good parent. I don't have anything to hide nor do I have anything to prove. I have done what I am suppose to do for MY children for the past 4 years since we haven't been together. I don't need to justify anything to his girl. She has only been around for a few months, and I have to remind myself that people tried to warn me about Kyle for a long time. It took me 7 years to realize what he is all about. She too will realize it. I don't need to waist my breath on it. Let her say that I am on a power trip, let her say that I am not acting my age. It doesn't matter to me. Atleast I have my children and I am sticking up for what I believe they deserve and need. There best interest is what I have in mind. No I don't hold my tounge with Kyle, Yes I say things to him that I would never say to anyone else, but those are just emotions. I can let go of the things that he did to me while we were together, but I still feel like he is screwing over my kids. That is what makes me hate him ten times more than I ever could for the things he did to me. Ya know what I'm saying... You get it. Jeramy and I have talked a lot these past few days espically without the kids being here. We both know where we stand with those kids, and what we need to do to make sure they have the best life. I know that GOD will never let my kids be given to Kyle. Maybe for 4 days out of the month, but not on a full time basis. There influences in life are going to come from the two main men they have in their lives , my dad, and Jeramy, their step dad. Kyle isn't going to be around enough for them to turn out like he has. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that I have a man who is BIG enough to take on these two children and raise them like they were his own. I am thankful that he will go out and work two jobs just to make sure they have school supplies, and clothes on their backs. I am thankful that he looks at them like they are his own children. Kyle is not needed and I am not going to expect him to do anything else for these kids. That is what my brother said to do. He said don't ever expect him to call, don't ever expect for him to show up for visitation, don't expect anything from him. It is a lot easier said than done, but I know it is what is best for my sanity. Don't concern myself with him or what he is doing. He is going to do what he wants to do no matter what. No matter if it takes away from his kids. So be it. Jeramy and I, his family and mine will be enough for those kids. GOD is good, and after 6 today so will I......

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Today is a good day

I got to talk to my babies today!! YEAH!!! I am so happy . They sounded like they were having fun. Zoei said mom, dad is being nice. Which made me feel good. Zane said that he would call me before they went to bed.
Jeramy ahs been fixing my moms bathroom today. It has taken all day long!! He still isn't done. I just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. I need to recoup from last night. Anyways to day is a good day.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Worried


I am so worried about these two little lives. They know nothing that has been going on for the past couple of days. I know that Kyle isn't a big enough person not to say anything in front of them. So I am sure they will come home asking questions. I have never said anything bad about their father to them on purpose. I don't want to be the reason they hate him ya know. I know they will grow up and see him for who he really is. My opinions about him don't hold anything with them. Regardless that is their father. Rachel keeps saying in my blogs that I choose to have kids with him. I 'm like I was young and dumb, I wasn't planning on getting prego, I was just fuckin....lol... I wish that wasn't their father more than anything in this world, but nothing I can do about it now. I am trying to tell myself that they will be okay this weekend. He isn't going to do anything to hurt them, but what if he runs with them....will he really do that? I know he doesn't want them, but will he do it just to get at me? He is into throwing all of these threats around right now, how do I know what is real and what isn't real? Just pray about it is what I keep telling myself. I hate that they have to go with him. He doesn't deserve to be around them. I am going to end up crying myself to sleep tonight wondering where they are and who they are with ....what they are doing.... I hope they will be alright. After this weekend I don't have to worry about it for another two weeks....that is 14 days that I know for sure they will be taken care of.... Just pray for my babies tonight..... that GOD will watch over them, and they will be safe.

Really wanting to say something

So Kyle's girl of the month is getting on the blogs and commenting on them. I guess it makes her feel good about the situation. I guess it makes her feel good for sticking up for her man...lol. I wrote her and said she is making herself look like an idiot, and when he drops her like he does everyone else, then she too will agree with everything that is being said. Jeramy told me last night not to waist my breath on Kyle anymore. He told me what he thinks of him, and that it isn't worth my time. So I'm done. I'm done with Kyle, and his little girl toy Rachel. You all know what and how I feel about him. He isn't worth me talking about anymore.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Courthouse


According to my ex husband the courthouse is where we are headed. I finally told him that I was done with him and the whole situation. I said that I wasn't talking to him unless Jeramy was there. Jeramy is my rock and is going to be the person who keeps my mouth in check when it comes to Kyle. Kyle starts off today by sending me a txt message saying that since I keep talking shit then he is going to take me to court. I'm like I am not talking shit, I am just stating my opinion. It is called freedom of speech. You can print all of this out , none of it is going to hold any weight in court. He keeps on saying that he was trying to be the nice guy and the only reason this started is because I ran my mouth.I was like I was just telling you that you don't need to be a part time dad and you need to pay your child support. I'm like you are the one who brought up CPS and going back to court. I told him take me to court Kyle. I have nothing to hide. NOTHING. I was like you have alot to prove. Let's start with you NOT paying your COURT ORDERED child support. His response to that was I had them this summer. SO FREAKIN WHAT. He couldn't even buy groceries for those babies. I had to bring food for them, his grandfather had to come over and buy them groceries. It doesn't matter that he had them, he is still court ordered to pay it ya know. Whatever. I finally told him that Jeramy would be home at 6, and that he can talk to Jeramy and tell JEramy all of this threats. He told me that Jeramy wasn't on the papers so he wasn't going to talk to him only me. I said well we are at a stand still. He said that he was going to show up at my house tomorrow with a cop because he was in fear for his life. I'm like way ahead of you buddy, I already talked to the cops. We are meeting at the exxon by my house so that I can prove that I took the kids somewhere for him to meet me. If he doesn't show up then so be it. Jeramy said that I'm not going to meet up with him anymore with out him being there. He was like I just don't trust him, and I know that if I'm there, he won't try anything. Anyways Life is crazy right now. School is really falling on the back burner because of all of this stuff. Zane having trouble, Kyle's threat's, Jeramy's new job and him working 12 hour days. That one is a blessing ya know, but still it puts a damper on me going to school. I really feel this depression coming on. I feel like I am getting hit from all sides, and it sucks!!! Anyways love you all...thanks for your comments. You ladies really mean the world to me!!




My ladies


I love these ladies. I love the fact that they live right around the corner. I love the fact that we have such a bond, that we can talk about anything. I love that we can bitch and moan and cry and we all understand where the other person is coming from. Thanks ladies for helping me out last night. My eyes were swollen, I'm sick, and right now life is really crazy and up in the air. You ladies ground me, and make me realise that this too will pass. I just have to play his little game and he will hang himself in the long run. You two are like my sisters. I don't know what I would of done without you last night. I was too my breaking point. Love you bitches!!!!!!!!!

Another one about Kyle...Print this one off too Kyle


This man is my rock. He is so level headed, and knows exactly what to do. Quite frankly he doesn't have 11 years of build up hatred for Kyle, so he can deal with his bullshit a lot better. As you all know Kyle told me he was going to call CPS on me yesterday. I blew up. How dare you not be a father to these kids, and then threaten to call CPS on me. How dare him not be around for these kids, and then say something about me going out with my girls. He gets 24 hours a day to himself. He gets to do what ever he wants whenever he wants, and doesn't have to think about anyone but himself, yet I am the bad one. He always has a way of pushing my buttons. I know he doesn't want the kids. I know he doesn't want to have to pay for his kids. The reason he makes such a big deal out of it, and threatens me with everything is because he is trying to get a rise out of me. For the almost 5 years that we were married there was a lot of physical abuse. He always beat the shit out of me. Imagine being 8 months prego and your husband is beating your head up against a window seat, all while your 1 year old son is watching. So my words are the only thing that I have ever had against him. I call him and say things to him that I wouldn't say to my worst enemy. I hate him. Point blank plain and simple. Jeramy calmed me down enough yesterday to write Kyle a txt message saying that he could pick up the kids on Friday but he had to be here at 6,and he had to keep them until 6 on sunday. Kyle calls and once again we start yelling at eachother. Screaming at the top of our lungs. He brings up the fact that I have to get my rich brother involved in his children's lives, which set me off again. The whole reason my brother has to step in is because your ass is so sorry you can't pay for your son to get the extra help he needs. How can he use that against me. He should be happy that his son is getting the extra help he needs, but instead I am doing something bad for getting him involved. He said that he printed off all the shit that I have ever wrote about him on the computer and is going to send it to his lawyer...lol.. I am bustin a gut with that one. Go ahead Kyle print it all off. There will be documation of when you drugged your kids so that you could go out and drink. There will be documation of when you told your children they had to wait until you got up before they ate....Print it all out. I have blogs that go all the way back to 2006. If you want to bring it, then so be it. You are not going to win those kids. You live in a one bedroom apartment. Legally you have to have a three bedroom because the kids are too old. They have to have their own rooms. The vehicle you drive isn't big enough for all of you to fit in saftly. I could go on and on about you and the things that you have done for the past 3 1/2 years. So print out what ever you want to print out, get whatever lawyer you are going to get, and I will see you in court. As far as the whole slander thing is concerned. This is a BLOG POST, It is my opinion about you and how you treat our children. It is my opinion you are an asshole and a sorry excuse for a father. Slander is something different. Why don't you go read up on it , and other thigns too before you start throwing shit in my face. Try again Kyle. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to let you have MY children. No Rachel has never done anything to me , but the FACTS are she doesn't have custody of her daughter... What kind of mother is that? You two are perfect for eachother. Two people who have children and let someone else take care of them. Oh you say you both love your children, but actions speak louder than words do Kyle. Your track record for the past 11 years proves it. So we are going to play it by the divorce papers. The minute you screw up, I am taking you to court. You better be there to pick them up on time at 6 on Friday's and you have to keep them until 6 on Sunday's. Not a minute early or a minute late. The first time the kids tell me you are talking crap I am taking you to court. The first time the kids tell me you leave them with one of your crack head friends, I'm taking you to court. Cross your T's and dot your I's Kyle Ray. It is war, and NO ONE is taking those kids from me.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Ex husband thinks he can do something


This my friends is my ex husband Kyle. In this picture he is tied up to a cross, and those are needles stuck in his chest. This man tells me today that he is going to call CPS on me... You can take one good look at this pic and tell that he is an unfit dad. Let me tell you the story. He didn't call for two weeks, then all of a sudden he says that he wants to take the kids for the weekend. I write him a txt message telling him that I don't care if he takes the kids, but I have a problem with him not calling for two weeks, and I have a problem with him not paying his child support since June. He calls me and I answer the phone. He says that he didn't understand my txt message and wants to know if he can or can't get the kids. I tell him that he can get them, but I went on to tell him that he can't be a part time dad. He of course gets mad and we start fighting. True April and Kyle form. He throws in my face that everytime he gets on myspace that he see's that I have gone out. That I never have the kids that they are either with Jeramy or at my moms house. I say yes I go out every friday night but after working all week, going to school all week, and being a full time mom to those kids, I deserve a night out with my girls. Everyone needs a little time to be themself, and not have to worry about anyone else. So he tells me that I never shut the fuck up and that no one can get a word in. So I hang up on him. I write him a txt message saying that he can forget about getting the kids. I told him to take me to court if he wants to see them. So he calls me and leaves me a message saying that he is going to call CPS on me. I write him back saying call them asshole, do you want me to get the number for you? What the fuck is CPS going to do? I have lived in the same house for two years, My kids have their own rooms, there is a pantry full of food, there is water running, and electricity in the house. There is cable for the kids to watch, we have a running car....there is NOTHING they can say about anything. I don't know if you all know this but I have dealth with CPS many times before. Always because of Kyle's ass, and his mom was always the one to call them on us. CPS doesn't scare me. BRING IT BITCH!!!I told him there are many people to testify against him saying that he is an unfit dad. Many people can say that he has done nothing for these kids for the past 3 1/2 years. Even court ordered, he still does nothing for MY children. Basically the fight ended with me telling him that he doesn't exist and those are MY KIDS. He can go play daddy to his girls kid, and leave mine alone. Oh wait, he can't go be a dad to her kids cuz she doesn't even have custody of her daughter.... they are both loosers!!! I told him that it is fucked up that he will let my brother step in and pay for his son to get extra help. All he can say that he is busy getting another shop open..BULLSHIT!!! You gonna tell me that for two weeks, you couldn't walk to a pay phone and call them? You gonna tell me that since they were born you have done things for them... HELL NO> he is a worthless piece of shit and a sorry excuse for a dad. I feel sorry for my children that he is their father. I am going to get his rights taken away. He might as well fall off the face of the earth cuz he isn't going to win my children. FUCK HIM!! He can suck a nut for all I care!!

Blessing from GOD


This little boy is my pride amd joy. I am wanting him to get this reading thing down. As you know my brother paid for him to be tested at Sylvan. He is on the first grade level even though he is in second grade. My brother and I have been going back and forth about the sylvan thing. Basically they are in the business to make money. Yes they do have a guarantee but it is going to cost 9000 dollars for what they say Zane needs. So I went on craigslist to see if there were any tutor's around this area. I got a response today from a lady that lives in Ft. Worth. She specializes in children with ADHD. She said she will use comic books, or anything that Zane is interested in to help him learn how to read. Reading and writing are what she tutors kids in and that is what he needs the help it. The best part about it is that she only charges 8 dollars an hour!!!!!! YES!!!! Just to give you an idea the people at Sylvan charge 45-50 dollars an hour. I sent her another email telling her what our schedules are like, and how often I want him to come. I gave her my cell phone number so hopefully she calls me back .I told her that I was really anxious to get things started as he is falling futher and futher behind. I told her that I wanted to meet her face to face and talk and kind of start getting to know eachother before I send my kid off to her. There are a lot of crazy people in this world...lol. I just feel really good about this. I hope this is the right direction, and I know that GOD will show me the way. I am so stoked you guys!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Advise needed


Okay so this picture has nothing to do with what I am going to write about. I just love it! Anyways I have a delima. I pretty much already know what you are going to tell me to do but I still have to state my opinion on it. Mr. Williamson, my kids father..GOD bless his soul.....lol He has not called in the past two weeks. I know that his phone was turned off, and I am not going to say anything about it because my phone's have gotten turned off before. If it wasn't for my sister bailing her big sister out , my phone would be turned off right now. Anyways back to the point. Kyle hasn't paid his child support since June 30. That is when his last payment was posted. Even when he paid in that 100 dollars, he was still behind.It didn't catch him up from before that. The whole child support system is a freakin joke!!! Not going to go into that because I know there are things that they have to do...make sure they go the legal way on everthing...whatever. Us moms are just stuck out until they do there job, which takes months even after they find him. Anyways I get a call last night from Kyle. He obviously got a new phone and a new number. His message said that he had been busy that is why he hadn't called the kids... my thinking is you can never be too busy to check in on your kids ,but whatever. He also said that he wants to get them this weekend. That is the part that I have a problem with . Why should he get to see his kids when he can't pay for them. Why do Jeramy and I have to struggle with everything, while he gets to be the play date whenever he has the time and isn't too BUSY with his own life. Why should I allow him to be a part of there lives when HE refuses to be there all the time? Why should he have any access to those babies when another man is being their father? Kyle does NOTHING for them. NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! He is just like his father and his mother were... still are...whatever... Shiela never had time for Kyle or his brother JB.... Kyle didn't meet his father until he was 25... Part of me wishes that he would just go away. He causes more hurt than anything for those babies. .... What to do people? Do I let him see them even though he has nothing to do with them on a day to day basis? Do I subject them to all of his crazy ass ways and the people that he hangs out with?This man showed them pictures with him being nailed to a cross, and needles stuck in his chest..is that anything a 5 and 7 year old should see....NONONONONONONONONONONO I am so put out with this whole situation. Advise people!!

LIfe


This picture is precious!! It is back when I left Kyle in 2005. That means that the little munchkins were 2 and 4. Time flys by so fast, and when you see pictures like this, it brings you back. I can't get over how small they were. Zane is almost as tall as me now, and ZoZo has always been a munchkin.
Oh the joys of life. Those precious babies are the reason that I do all that I do. They keep my life filled with joy and madness but I would be lost without them. Jeramy worked 10 hours yesterday. He was so sore when he got home. I was like, how can someone who is so physically fit and have so much muscle be so sore? He said Baby you couldn't pay me to bend over right now. I'm like you have a freakin 6 pack, how can you now bend over...lol... anyways I am going to get him a card today just to tell him how much I love him and thank him for all that he does for our family. I am amazed at him right now. As you all know Jeramy isn't a talkative person. He talks my head off, but that is because he is comfortable with me ya know. He has a problem talking to other people. I was worried about him on saturday when I dropped him off because he was the "new" guy on the crew. I was really hoping that the guys would be cool and on his level. He told me last night that he really likes it. He gets along with the guys. Oh and get this. The crew leader was working with Jeramy yesterday . He worked with him on saturday for 4 hours and then all day yesterday. This guy tells Jeramy that he is already going to put in some good words to the boss man about Jeramy.!!! That is wonderful!!! After two days of working with someone he really has shown himself. He told me last night that it makes him feel good knowing that he can go into another crew and just romp it.... I love that man, and I love my life. I am truly blessed!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Monday's

Monday's.... Today was a crazy morning. Jeramy had to be at the job site at 8 this morning, which we knew was going to be the case everyday. But today was a little different. He had to be in North Ft Worth at 8 today. I had to get the kids up at 6a.m. which is really early for little ones ya know. Anyways get them up and get them ready for school, we get in the car and leave about 5 till 7 this morning. I finally drop him off at 10 till 8...the rain made the drive SO LONG!!! So needless to say the kids were late for school. What can you do though.... Jeramy has to work, we only have ONE car... so some how we will work all of it out. Anyways it is now 11:30 in the morning..and I have a lot of work to do...so Peace out..I'm sure I will write more later!!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Life is amazing.


You know I am the proud owner of a wonderful life. Sometimes I really lose my sence of direction, and forget to be grateful for the things that I DO have in my life. It is easy to get caught up in the whole situation and sometimes you need people to bring you back to reality. One of my dearest friends, Michele , always does that for me. I know the GOD speaks through her, and tells her exactly what to say. I can be out on cloud 25, and she reminds me of who I am, and what this life is always about.
Jeramy started his new job today. I found myself on the way home from dropping him off thanking GOD. This is amazing. We go for almost a month with nothing. No work from Horton, and basically Robert was just trying to find something for them to do to make some money. Then in the same day he gets an email from one man, Mr. Handyman...lol.. and gets two calls from two different companies. All my stressin out didn't do anything but cause problems within my house. You know what I am talking about. When everyone is at their wits end and can't take anymore, you start picking little fights over nothing.
Life is oh so good right now. Yes, we are really far away from where we need to be, but atleast there is hope!!!! There is an end in sight, and all of the sweat and tears will pay off. GOD is good and so are we!!! Something off the subject, but it is so cute, I have to tell you. Yesterday when I picked up Zane and Zoei from school. Zane got in the car. He asks me " mom, what is your name going to be when you and dad get married?" I tell him that my name will be April Wilcox. He said, " Well, what will mine and Zoei's names be." I said they will stay the same. They will still be Zoei and Zane Williamson. He said, " AWE!!!! I want all of us to have the same last name..." lol... too cute . The minds of children are wonderful!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 3, 2008

GOD IS GOOD!!!

You know this thing called life is crazy. There is no getting around that. On Wednesday I was at the bottom of my rope. I didn't like anyone or anything. In my mind there was no end in sight. Wednesday night I just layed in bed praying. Praying that GOD would show us his way. That he would provide for our family, and whatever move we needed to make he would make it clear to me. As I was laying there praying I felt this since of comfort come over me. I was so tense at the begining of my prayer and when I said Amen, I was so relaxed. Yesterday was a better day. I spent the day filing out applications for Jeramy. Then last night, a guy calls him back. Saying that he got his email and wanted Jeramy to call him back. SO Jeramy calls him back this morning, and he GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!! There is no other explination other than GOD himself. Jeramy starts tomorrow..... This comes just in time too. GOD knows what he is doing people ,and things will work out when they are suppose to. Jeramy only had 2 more payments of unemployment coming, so we were down to a month, and then no more money coming in from him at all. He starts Saturday, and will get his paychecks on Tuesday's.He of course holds back the first week, but Jeramy will get his first paycheck just in time. GOD is amazing and has once again put me in my place. THings don't happen in this life when we think they are suppose to. Things will never be on our time. We are GOD's children, and HE knows what we need and when we need it. I am in debt to the LORD almighty, and HE will never stop amazing me. THis is such good news guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Today is another day

In which I am thankful. As you know yesterday I was having a BAD day. Nothing was going right and everything and everyone I was mad at. Today is a new day. I was in bed last night praying and I just felt this comfort come over me. I know that GOD knows what he is doing. These are all little test, and this too will pass. I just have to make the best out of my situation and move on. Hopefully, no I know GOD will provide Jeramy will another job. Either contract , or hourly. I know that GOD will help us with our money situation.... our bills will get paid, and things will be good. I feel a lot better today!!! GOD is good and so is my little family!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I Did It

I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I finally am computer savy enough to set it up.lol. I really don't have much to say being that I already posted 3 blogs today on myspace. From here on out though I will be posting on here and sending a link to myspace. Look for more, I am a writer...as long as it is about what I want to talk about...lol

First Blog

SO this is the first one. Just trying this thing out. Making sure I know what I am doing!!

About Me

My photo
Welcome to the wonderful life of me! I am married to my best friend, my soul mate, my right hand man, the love of my life and we have been blessed with 3 beautiful Z kiddos. Jeramy and I have known each other since we were 14 &16, and have been married for 5 years. He is in the Army and I get to be a stay at home mommy :) We have had our ups and downs, life hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we are blessed!