Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ironic......



I know that I have said this many times before but I really love my life! There is not a damn thing I would change about it. For the past 2 months I haven't been able to do my normal thing on Friday night. Well, even before I found out I was pregnant I had kind of laid off of going out every Friday night. It was fun, but after over a year and a half of doing it non-stop it was getting old. Every Friday night, the same place, the same drinks, the same people, the same songs being played over and over and over again. We all know that when I do something I tend to do it to extremes. Moderation is not a word that has ever been in my vocabulary. I don't think it ever will. I either do it BIG or I don't do it at all. So in not going out every weekend and staying at home with my kids, I have found out that I am so content with where my life is. There is no need to go out every weekend and get trashed. Why not spend that time and money with my kids? It's funny to me too how relationships change when you aren't doing the same thing. You realize that some of your friendships were based on and centered around drinking every weekend, and if you aren't apart of that crowd anymore then they don't have time for you. You make plans to do something other than drinking and they bail out time and time again Yes I get that lives take on different directions, and people go their own ways. That is just apart of life, it's just funny to me or ironic to me that people can change so fast. In the blink of an eye you suddenly realize that the people you thought were going to be there aren't....or if they are it's very far and in between, and the people that I have neglected while I was wrapped up in going out and drinking are suddenly there. Ironic isn't it...... I am just thankful that there are real people in my life, and I have realized who they are. Thankful, Blessed, Truly Happy, yup that's me....I love my life!!!

Friday, January 29, 2010

better picture



here is a better picture, on the post below you can't really see anything. Here is the huge difference

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Big Changes!

This is 4 weeks and 4 days~ Basically a few days after I found out I was pregnant


This is me at 7 weeks....It would be fair to say that this week I POPPED!!!






































It is amazing to me....I really haven't been wearing any "normal" clothes that I usually wear. I was sick, the kids were sick....and I watch Daegan all day long so there really hasn't been any reason to dress up. I guess I did when Jeramy and I went to the Dr on the 18th, but I really didn't notice a difference then. I went to put on my regular jeans this morning and though damn these are a little tight in the belly. I could still button them, but they were uncomfortable. I could really feel the button when I sat down. So I put on my maternity pants. They are so much better lol.... I am a member of this just mommies thing. It's kind of a facebook, or myspace for pregnant ladies. Well everyone takes weekly pictures of their bellies until they get up to two months then they do it monthly. I went in the bathroom and took a picture of my belly and uploaded it. I uploaded it on the same thread that I posted the other pictures on. When I saw the four week compared to the 7 week pictures I was like DAMN!!!! I haven't gained any weight at all. If anything I lost weight from being sick and not eating at all on Sunday and then once on Monday....even today I only had a banana and a bowl of chili. The Dr said with this being baby #3 for me I would start to show a lot sooner. But I think even with Zane and Zoei I was showing at 10 or 12 weeks. I usually am all belly....this one will probably be the same way. Anyways just wanted to share the huge change in the belly this week!

Monday, January 25, 2010

The nasty nasty virus!


















I seriously thought death had come over me yesterday! It was HORRIBLE!!! I woke up at 4am gagging in my bed. I proceeded to throw up for the rest of the day, well until about noon. I had the chills, then I would get so hot. My mom came and go the kids from me so that they wouldn't be here. I couldn't look at food, even the thought of it made me want to puke so she took them with her for a couple of hours and then my sister took them. It was such a help. I slept pretty much all day long. Well with the exception of the many trips to the bathroom. I think I pulled a muscle in my back throwing up because I was almost in tears it was hurting so bad.
My kids are the best and they sat on it and rubbed it. My mom stopped and got a heating pad on her way to come and get the kids so that helped so much. I would lay on the heating pad,and then get in the hottest bath you can imagine. One time I made myself so hot from the bath that I had to lay on my bed with the fan on full blast because I thought I was going to pass out. It was just a nasty nasty nasty day! Friday Zoei came home from school because she threw up in her classroom, I was sick all day yesterday and then today Zane came home because he threw up in gym...I am really hoping that this nasty virus is gone. I cleaned the house today. Everything had bleach or Lysol on it and I opened up the windows letting the fresh air come through. I really hope that Big D doesn't get sick. It wouldn't suprise me though. He was here Friday when Zoei came home sick, my kids were at my sisters house yesterday and then he was here for a little while when Zane came home sick......anyways gonna go cook the kids dinner. It will be the first time I have eatin since Saturday night....well I ate a piece of bread sunday night, does that count????

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My 27th birthday

Happy Birthday to me~
Today is my 27th birthday. It is really amazing to me that I am 27.
This past weekend was the best. At first we though Jeramy wouldn't be home for my birthday, but he was able to come home on the 15th. Of course he had to leave on the 18th the day before my birthday but it was still a cool weekend. He got me a new ring for my birthday. We went out to dinner on Saturday night for my birthday just him and I. Then Sunday night we went out with his family. Kind of celebrate my birthday and see Jeramy kind of thing. Monday we had a dr.'s appt for an ultrasound. I was so happy that Jeramy got to be there for it. Seeing the little bean's heart beat was amazing. So he left to go back to Virgina yesterday at 3. I had told myself for a week now that when he left to go back, I was going to have him take all my cigs and lighters and I was done with smoking. So I smoked my last cigarette at 2 yesterday. Today has totally kicked my ass. Daegan had a lot of gas today so he never really got happy. We were having screaming contest. He would scream at the top of his lungs and I would yell I can scream as loud as you can....lol Zoei was just laughing at us. It was an experience. After smoking for 13 years, on a daily basis except for the last 3 months I was pregnant with my son, to quit cold turkey is just crazy. Especially to pick a quit day that I have three kids here.....
So my 27th birthday has been great. Okay maybe not my actual birthday, but the days leading up to it were wonderful. Today would of been fine if my nerves were not frazzled.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

baby names

So we have picked out baby names. The topic started at dinner tonight. We all went to Mexican Inn for my birthday. Jeramy's family always goes out to dinner whenever it's someones birthday and the birthday person gets to pick where. Well since I can eat Mexican food everyday all day long I chose one of my favorite places. Anyways, the baby name thing came up. At first Jeramy wanted the baby to keep with the same tradition that his dad started. The first name has 7 letters and the middle name has 3. (Jeramy's name is spelled Jeramey on his birth certificate) My thing is it had to be a Z name for the first name and an N name for the middle name to that all the kids will have the same initials. Well at dinner tonight Jeramy decided that the middle name didn't have to have 3 letters because let's face it there really isn't a good choice of 3 letter N names. So we started throwing out names at the dinner table. The conversation kept going on the car ride home and once we got home. Since I got to pick out the Z names Jeramy gets to pick out the middle names.
Drum Roll Please---------------------------------------------------------------------
If it's a boy his name is going to be : Zachary Nicholai Wilcox
If it's a girl her name is going to be : Zeelynn Nautica Wilcox

LOVE THE NAMES!!! It's different and I love it.
Zachary means : God has remembered
Nicholai means : Victory of the people
I think it's a cool meaning for a boy's name

Zeelynn means : from the sea
Nautica means : of the sea
I think it's an exotic name for a little girl

We all know that April never does anything within the "norm". I love that my husband thinks outside of the box. I really had him pegged for a John, or Michael kind of name picker. You know what I mean, something that everyone else goes with..... the "staple" names that have been around for a long time. I told him I was really impressed with the name choices. I am so excited guys.... I really really really can't wait to find out which names we are going to get to use. Jeramy really wants a girl and he is kind of rubbing off on me. Maybe because it's his first biological kid. We all know that Zane and Zoei are his kids....he may not of "made" them so to speak but he is their daddy. But this will be his first biological kid. I got what I wanted with my first. I always wanted a boy first and a girl second and that is what God granted me with. So I think I am just hoping from that stand point that he gets what he wants. Yes both of us will be happy either way, but you get what I'm saying......... anyways I am going to hit tha sack ....

Saturday, January 16, 2010

In full Swing!


Yup, pregnancy hormones are in full swing at the Wilcox house. My daughter was going to take a bath this afternoon. She starts running the water and then forgets about it. I'm in my room trying to take a nap, I didn't want to fall asleep at the movies tonight lmao! So I hear Zane yell go get mom, I immediately get up and ask what is going on. Zoei starts crying her eyes out telling me what she did. I got in the bathroom and the water alone in the bathroom floor is atleast 3 inches deep. The kids room is right next to the bathroom so their floor was soaking up water. The hallway and even into the living room was wet. I mean soaked! So I go to Target to try and buy a wet vac. Well they didn't have any. So I called Jeramy and he said try home depot. So I went there and bought one. Let me remind you that we were suppose to go out tonight for my birthday. Since Jeramy isn't going to be here on Tuesday we were going to go to dinner and a movie tonight. By the time I got home, it was already 5. My dad decided that he needed to go eat right then and there so my mom called me and said that they would pick up the kids from my house around 5:30- 5:45. Well the movie started at 7 and the only theater it's playing at around here is off of 20 and carrier. So there was no way that we were going to make it out to dinner and to the movie by 7. Then the new wet vac that I just bought 30 minutes prior broke. It was sucking up the water just fine. Jeramy took the top off to empty it out, put it back on and it quit sucking. So I took my ass to my bed sat down and cried. I was pissed off that Zoei had done what she did, yes it was an accident and no she didn't get in trouble for it, but it still pissed me off, I was pissed off that these plans we had for a week now weren't going to happen because there wasn't enough time and I was pissed off that the wet vac worked for 5 minutes and then broke. I had a little pitty party. Jeramy didn't know what to do with me lol. He just held me. You know how most men are natural "fixers" If there is a problem then they want to fix it. He honestly thought I was crying because wet vac broke. I told him what was wrong that it was a combination of everything and he said we can always go to a later showing. Yes it is very true and that's exactly what we are going to have to do, put I didn't like my plans getting shot to shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Giving up Drinking


My sister asked me the other day if I missed going out drinking. As most of you know me and "the gang" went out every Friday night for over a year. That was our time to get away from the mundane day to day life and let lose and drink.When she asked me, I told her no. To be completly honest about it all. The scene was getting boring. It was the same 'ol bar, the same 'ol people, the same 'ol drinks. I still had a good time with the girls, but it just wasn't as fun as it use to be. I told Ashley that I wanted this baby so bad that I was ready to give it all up. I would much rather be at home on a friday night with my husband and kids. I can't tell you how much fun we had last night. I went out and bought Sing Star for the PS3. The kids Jeramy and I sat in our living room and sung our hearts out. We were all snuggled together, you couldn't of fit anything between us, and laughed and carried on. I just sat back when it wasn't my turn and watched my husband and kids. It is an amazing feeling when you know you are right where you should be in life. Seeing everything going on last night was just amazing. I was once again reminded of how truly blessed I am, and how thankful I am to be here. I would much rather have moments like I did last night with the people I love more than anything. Drinking at the bar doesn't even come close to it!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Boy? Girl?




I believe the hardest, ok well one of the hardest things about being pregnant is waiting to find out if it's a boy or a girl. Maybe it's because I want everything planned out and organized.....Anyways, you have this little "bean" growing inside of you, God already knows what it is going to be, but you have to wait four long months to find out. I have always said that I wanted another boy. Zoei is all the girl that I can handle. But then the lady at the grocery store asked me the other day what I wanted. (you know I tell everyone that will listen that I am pregnant) I told her that I have a boy and a girl so whatever I got I would be happy with. After I said it, I walked out thinking where in the hell did that come from? I told my mom the other day that I was already telling myself that it is going to be a girl so that I didn't fall off the table when the dr said it was a girl. lol..... My mom said that Jeramy saying he wanted a girl made it ok for me to accept it being a girl, which is true. I think if he really wanted a boy it would of just fed into me wanting a boy. But since he said the opposite of what I thought he was going to say, it makes it ok.... So in the five short weeks that I have been pregnant I have gone from only wanting a boy to being ok either way. Don't get me wrong I would of been fine either way but as far as "what I want" it has changed.....
I love the names we have picked out. We have already agreed on a boy's name, I have picked out a girls name but I don't know what Jeramy thinks about it yet. Of course we have another 35 weeks to figure it all out. I'm just excited about all of it. I have come to terms with it's ok if it's a girl lol...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Smoking


You would think as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I would of put the smokes down. You would think with me wanting this baby so badly I would stop. If I can quit drinking why can't I stop smoking? It's just one of the hardest things in the world to do! When I was 17 I was pregnant with my son Zane. I smoked while I was pregnant with him until I was 6 months. I was able to quit cold turkey with him. That was even with my ex husband having all kinds of people coming over and doing all kinds of crap in front of me. I was 19 when I was pregnant with my daughter Zoei. I smoked all the way up until I had her. I smoked in the parking lot of the hospital before I went upstairs to be induced. Sad, I know... but true. I really really really want to quit. Even before I found out I was pregnant I was thinking about quitting. My dad's dad, my grandfather got lung cancer. Went through all of the chemo and radiation and got rid of it. Then 7 years later it came back as brain cancer and killed him. My dad's sister, my aunt was just diagnosed with not only lung cancer but brain cancer also. She is only 44 years old. I found myself thinking she has spent her whole life smoking. Shit she use to give me cigarettes when I was 13 years old.But smoking cigs is the only thing she has ever done. She never did any kind of drugs, atleast none that I know of. I spent 2 years of my life doing cocaine, I spent a year and a half smoking meth, and I spend 8 years smoking bud. I have done so much damage to my lungs, my family on my dads side is obviously prone to getting cancer, here I am pregnant and I am still smoking. Stupid, so freakin stupid, but yet I can't put them down.
It is going to be my mission over the next month to quit. Period point blank put them down. I know that if I am going to do it, I have to do it before Jeramy comes back for good. If I am still smoking when he comes home Feb.24th, there is no way that I will be able to stop. I can honestly say that I probably won't quit this week. Jeramy is coming home on Friday so there is no way that I can stop tomorrow and then be around someone smoking 4 days later. It would be too much of a temptation ya know. So my goal is: Monday Jan.18th is going to be my last day to smoke. Jeramy is leaving that day at 3pm. I am going to make sure that I have none at the house or with me. I will send them all with him. No matter how bad I want to buy a pack, no matter how bitchy I get, no matter how much I stuff my face trying to forget about how bad I want one, I am going to quit. I have to. It's not just about me anymore. There is a little bean growing inside of me. I wasn't strong enough to quit at all with Zoei, with Zane I waited until I was 6 months to stop. I have to do it. I have a feeling that if I can't stop now then I will never be able to stop. Fact of the matter is if I can stop for the next 8 months while this baby grows inside of me, I should be able to stop and never pick them back up again. It cost way too much money to smoke, it stinks, it's not good for my health, it's not good for my kids health, I just need to give it up! One of my biggest fears is something happening to me and not being able to take care of my kids. Now if some freak accident happens obviously I have no control over that, but what am I doing smoking???? That is just asking for something to happen to me isn't it? I am going to pray really hard about this. I know that if I can get my mind, my heart and soul wrapped around it then I can do it.My mom tells everyone that if I set my mind to something then I am going to do it come hell or high water. Which is so true.... I know that I have that drive in me, I just have to put it towards not smoking.... So, my goal is going to be hard, it's going to be challenging but I can do it....right???? Yeah, I can do it!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Best Birthday Present EVER!!!


Bloated, oh I feel so bloated!!!

So I went to my Dr.'s appt this morning. Well let me back up a little bit. I went to sleep last night at 9:15 after I put the kids to bed and talked to Jeramy. Jeramy told me that he would be able to come home on the 15th! So I woke up this morning at 2:45. UGH!! I tossed and turned for the longest time. I finally decided that I couldn't fall back asleep so I got up. I was on the computer playing around until 5. Then I got in the shower and got ready. I woke the kids up at 6:40. Got them ready and took them to school. Ashley said she would keep Daegan while I went to the dr. So I came back home since my appt. wasn't until 10. Once I get up there I fill out all the paperwork. You know how it is, it's like signing your life away with all the forms you have to fill out. But anyways, I did the whole pee in a cup, and take blood and then I got to talk to the nurse. I didn't have to see the dr today. We talk about this and that. She says that she will schedule me an appt. in two weeks for my first sonogram. I was happy about that but what made it even better was the fact that she scheduled it on Monday the 18th at 9:30am. So that means Jeramy will be here!!!! I am so happy that he will get to see the little bean! I knew that he would be here when we find out the sex and everything but it's just so cool to me that he will be here for the first one! So Monday the 18th this will be me:


p.s. I had to make the picture dark so that you could actually see something lol, the damn flash was so bright!
p.s.s. I AM SO TOTALLY STOKED ABOUT WHERE I AM IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Excited but yet realizing everything that needs to get done.


Excited, Excited, oh how I am so excited! It is really starting to sink in that we are going to have a baby. The kids and I were talking about it last night and they are just so pumped about it to. Zoei said to me, "Mommy, I get to be a big sister." I said I know you have never been a big sister before you have always been the little sister. She just smiled the biggest smile and gave me the biggest hug. I asked Zane if he was ready to be a big brother again. He said yeah I am....lol When Zoei was born and he got to hold her for the first time he didn't want anyone else holding her. Of course he was only 22 months old so he was in the mine stage. I asked him if he was going to do that again, and he said he would share. With all of this excitment also comes the list of things that need to get done. There are so many things that are going to be up in the air. Jeramy will be gone until Feb.24th. When he comes home he will get a month of unemployment from the army but he will be searching for a job. Hopefully God will just guide us in the right direction for that. Our lease is up at the end of April. Meaning we will be moving... that is just a daunting task anyways but I will be 4 months pregnant, the kids will still be in school, and Jeramy will just be starting his new job. I don't want the kids to have to change schools. When Jeramy comes back he will be going to college working on his A&P license. Basically him doing the training he is doing now will allow him to work on helicopters within the army, but he has to be licensed to work outside the army. But with that license he will be able to work on any aircraft, not just helicopters. It will take him around two years to get it done. So I don't want the kids to have to change schools for two years while he is getting his license, and then us end up moving again to wherever his job leads us, and them have to change again....did that makes any since? I guess the easy way to say it is I don't want the kids to have to change school this next year only to have to change schools again in two years. Yes they are in elementary school, but still you have your group of friends ya know... you never want to be the "new" kid in school no matter how young you are. I know that God has a plan for all of this. I am just the type of person who wants everything in place and a way to know how we are going to get from one step to the next. Maybe a little bit of a control freak???? Yes I am, I know that. Anyways.... I am going to get some laundry done

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Due Date


After taking three home pregnancy test and a test today at the Dr's office I guess I will believe that I am pregnant! I am a month pregnant and due September 13th. Words can't describe how excited I am about this new journey. At the end of the year I said that I couldn't wait to see what God had in store for our family, never knowing 4 days later I would find out I was pregnant. So So So So So happy!!!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Saying Good-bye

No matter how many times I say good-bye to him, it never gets easy.



The munchkins didn't want him to go...I didn't want him to go....He didn't want to go, but he had too. We kept trying to tell ourselves that we were closer than ever to being done. Only 51 more days to go and then he will be back for good. Well, he will be back until he gets deployed to Afghanistan, but we don't think about that part. Kind of like it's in the back of our mind, and we know that it will eventually come. But we will cross that bridge when we come to it.....
Okay so I have to admit something. I took another pregnancy test lol. I know I know....I took two yesterday, you would think that would be enough. But it wasn't. I took another one today and it came out positive just like all the other ones. I was talking to my mom about it and was telling her that I almost don't believe. Yes we were trying to have a baby but I had already set my mind to it not happening until Jeramy was back for good. And for it to happen while he was here for only 17 days just blows my mind. I knew that my most fertile week this month was going to be the first week Jeramy was here but I really didn't think it would happen! I go to my first dr.'s appt tomorrow. They are going to do some blood work and figure out just how far along I am...... I'm excited!!!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Baby Wilcox

This is the first test I took in the morning:

After I went to my moms house I came home and took another one:

I'm Pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am still in shock! I was looking at the ovulation calendar last night trying to figure out when I was suppose to start my period. As I was doing this I was telling Jeramy that I am the most impatient person in the world. He asked why. I told him that I didn't want to wait until next week to see if I started. He said why don't you go buy a test. I said told him that I wanted to but I did want to take it and it be negative and me be disappointed. After talking for a few more minutes he was like just go buy one. So I did. I bought two....lol I was going to take one last night but I decided to wait until this morning. So when I got up this morning I took it. I waited a couple minutes and thought I can't sit here and watch this. So I went in the living room waited a couple more minutes. Went back in there and only saw the negative line. So I was going to throw it away. I was walking toward the kitchen and decided to look at it one more time to make sure. I turned on the big light and saw the second line. I thought to myself am I seeing this because I want to see it or is it really there. I went and woke up Jeramy. I said you have to look at this and tell me what you see. He said I see two lines...... So what is the next thing any girl would do, call their momma! I called her and told her I was going to send her a picture of it so she could look at it. Well that wasn't good enough for me. In the time it took me to send the picture, I got dressed and in the car. My mom called me back to tell me that she saw it. She asked what I was doing and I told her that I was already in the car on the way to her house lol. By the time I had gotten to her house she had already called my sister and she was on her way to my moms house. I got there and my mom looked at it and she said she saw two lines, my sister walked in the door a couple minutes later and she saw two lines. Tyler came with her and he looked at it and saw two lines.... As we were sitting there talking, I kept looking at it thinking is this really real???? I wanted another baby so bad, but had made up my mind that it wouldn't happen until Jeramy got back from Virginia. There are only so many days that you can get pregnant and with me seeing him for two days here and four days there, the chances were pretty small. It just so happened that my most fertile week was the first week Jeramy was here. I haven't been to a dr, I just found out today.... but I did the little calendar thing on the computer and according to that I am 3 weeks along lol.... and the due date would be September 13th..... I am going to call the dr this week and set up an appointment, do a blood test just to confirm it all. I AM SO STOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About Me

My photo
Welcome to the wonderful life of me! I am married to my best friend, my soul mate, my right hand man, the love of my life and we have been blessed with 3 beautiful Z kiddos. Jeramy and I have known each other since we were 14 &16, and have been married for 5 years. He is in the Army and I get to be a stay at home mommy :) We have had our ups and downs, life hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we are blessed!