Thursday, March 24, 2011

Happy Birthday Zoei

8 Years ago today my first daughter was born. Zoei Nicole Williamson.

I really believe that I could go on and on with the pictures. I seriously could sit here and look at them all day long, it just takes me back to different times in my life. The journey that I have been on with her these past 8 years. It's just crazy to me, crazy crazy crazy!! I love you Zoei Nicole more than you will ever know. You are so precious to me and your smile, your laughter, everything about you is food for my soul. I can't imagine my life without you in it. Happy Birthday baby girl, mommy is so proud of you!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

March 20, 2011 ~ 6 Years of being together, 2 Years of being married

I was so excited that this day was finally here. I was about to marry the man that I had loved since I was 14 years old.
After being back together for four years, I was ready. I was done with the craziness, I knew I was going to be with him for the rest of my life.
"At Last"..... It was our wedding song and honestly it fits us so well. After everything that happened, we were finally taking the big jump
                          My number one little man in my life.
I wrote our wedding vows. Well I took different parts to many different vows and put them all together and made them our own.
My daddy walking me down the "isle". Always wanted that to happen, didn't go about it the right way the first time around, but it was worth the wait.

That smile on my face tells it all I believe.

I know I have told "our story" before but I love reliving it. Jeramy and I met Feb.21, 1997. Crazy that I remember the exact day that I met him but it just so happens to be my sisters birthday. He didn't get my phone number at school so him and Rory went home and searched the phone book for my number. They found it and we talked all night long. He asked me that night to "go out" with him. Remember the old saying going out, my mom would always say where you going lol. Anyways we were together till Dec.6, 1997. There were a few months in there that we weren't allowed to see each other because we got in trouble doing things that we should be doing....ummmm yeah, we'll leave it at that. Then end of 97 I went off the deep end and started doing all kinds of crazy crap. From 97 till 05 Jeramy and I only spoke once. My mom and I went by his apartment and I put a note on his car window and he called me. The timing wasn't right for him and I so we only spoke for a few days and then went on our separate paths again. Fast forward to March 19, 2005. Tabitha and I went out drinking. I was having my "jeramy blues" (what my mom and I use to call them) and I was going on and on about him. Tabitha gets the damn phone book at the bar and we look up Rory's number. Now Rory and his family changed their number all the time so we didn't know if the number we were calling was really going to be him or not, but it was. Rory told us that we could come over so we did. We were drunk, no ands ifs or buts about it. We chilled with Rory for a little bit and then he called Jeramy. I was so nervous. By the time we got him on the phone, he agreed to get up out of bed and we made it over to his house it was 3am on March 20th. He had been up all night drinking also. We sat outside his house and talked for hours. Talked till 6 in the morning. We covered all the grounds, marriage kids work. I was so surprise that he hadn't gotten married, or had any kids. Leave that up to me I guess lol. I was married at the time to my ex husband, and I had two kids. From that night on we spoke everyday and 6 weeks later we were living together.We have talked about this and we both agree that it just felt right, it was where we were suppose to be. Is that really too soon to move in together? Were we really ready to "try" again? Was I ready to have a real adult relationship? Too soon, yes. Were we ready, Yes. Was I ready to have a real relationship, no/yes. I was ready to have one but I had no idea how grown ass people had a real relationship. I had been scared from my time with my ex husband. My heart and soul didn't trust. I didn't know how to have an argument without physically fighting. I didn't know how to let my true feelings. The first few years of us being back together were trying. I was changing back into the person that I always was, I was learning how to let go of all the negative that had happened, how to realize that Jeramy wasn't kyle and wasn't going to do the things that he did. All the while working and trying to make Zane and Zoei feel special and loved. Jeramy never once looked at those kids and thought they aren't mine. He never once thought well I don't have to take care of them. He stepped into the husband/father role without ever skipping a beat.
A lot has happened in the last 6 years of us being back together. After doing construction for 10 years he left and joined the National Guard. Three months

They're a world my world revolves around
My sacred piece of solid ground
The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand
They are a fire in my driving on
The drive behind my coming home
The living, breathing, reason that I am

Friday, March 11, 2011

burdened heart

I can't tell you how burdened my heart is. I can't shake the thoughts of those two ladies that have lost their daughters. And in reading those blogs I stumbled upon a couple of other ladies that have gone through the loss of their babies. I keep thinking about that family in Pennsylvania that had a house fire and 7 or their 8 children died in.... My heart hurts for them. I can't imagine that pain, that sorrow. I can't imagine everything that has happened to them and then they are just suppose to go back to their lives and carry on. Go back to the jobs that they were at when they got the call that changes their lives for forever. How are you suppose to care about your home, paying bills, laundry, dishes, how is life going to be alright when your whole world was shattered? I do have to say that I hugged my kids, all three of them a little tighter, kissed them just a second longer, gave them extra lovins at bed time. I enjoyed mine and zoei's game of phase 10 just a little bit more. I was thankful that last night I got to sit at the dinner table with my husband and three beautiful babies and eat with them. I think about all the different things that I have done since I had kids. Zeelynn's never been through any of it but with Zane his first three years on earth were crazy. Zoei's first year was too. I was so out of it and didn't even think about the "what if's"  I am just so grateful to GOD above that nothing happened to them. I love my life and wouldn't change anything about any of it. Guess you can say that I am humbled

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Have no right!

Is this blog picture heavy, oh yes it is.
Zeelynn pulled some newborn crap last night and was up every couple of hours. I ended up getting a couple of hours of sleep. Jeramy came in and woke me up at 6:50 and I really didn't want to get up. I just wanted to lay there with my eyes closed but I knew that I had two other kids to get up and ready for school. I had to make sure they looked cute, fixed Zoei's hair and kissed their sweet faces before they left.
After they left for school and Jeramy left for work I thought to myself today is going to be a LONG day. I was having a pity party so to speak. I didn't say anything to anyone, just my own thoughts in my head. It sucked that Zane, Zoei and Jeramy got to sleep all night long and I was up half the night. Truly annoyed at the whole situation.
To kill some time before Daegan got here I got on the computer and wanted to catch up on the blogs that I read. I started following these two ladies the other day. Both lost their daughters, Macie and Maddie to SIDS. One was three months old and the other was four months. They both had new post so I read them and then was hit with such a guilt trip.
I was trying to hard to get Zeelynn to just go to sleep last night. Trying to will her to go to sleep and stay asleep so that I could sleep. I was so put out with her not staying down. I wasn't mad at her and didn't take it out on her but I was put out with the whole situation.
How dare I bitch about her being up hours of the night. How dare I wish that she would go to sleep and stay asleep. These precious babies went to sleep and never woke up again. How dare I bitch about only getting a couple of hours of sleep, these ladies would give anything to just hold their babies again. These two ladies are basically begging to be up all hours of the night, to be sleep deprived, to smell like baby puke, to see that smile and those eyes light up in the mornings.
So today instead of being mad about not getting sleep, I am going to be thankful. When I think about the night I had last night I am going to smile. I am going to be so greatful to GOD above that he has intrusted me with three of HIS children.
Honestly life can change in the blink of an eye. In a split second I could lose everything that I know and love. What would I do if I lost Zane, Zoei or Zeelynn? My heart sinks at the thought. How in the world would I ever go on?? One of the ladies said that she wishes her daughter was here but that she knew GOD was the perfect babysitter.....I just pray that these ladies and their families find peace. That they have more "good" days than bad. My heart just breaks for them and reminds me to be greatful

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

day of hooky

As I sit here on this Tuesday afternoon, these three little ones are sitting here with me. Zane and Zoei are playing the ps3, and Zeelynn is sitting in her chair playing with her monkey.
This sexy man of mine is at work making that money!

And the little man below is asleep in my bed.

Jeramy set his alarm this morning but his phone died in the middle of the night. So needless to say no alarm this morning. I was in the room with Zeelynn because she was up at midnight and then up again at 4:45. I woke up and was wondering why it was so light outside. I got up and looked at the clock on the microwave and it said 7:35. Well the kids bus leaves at 7:25. So I sat there and thought do I wake them up and try and get 'em up, ready and fed and then make it to school by 8 or do I just let them sleep and play hooky. Well I let them play hooky. They have been asking me when they could and I had told them sometime in April. They were out for two weeks for Christmas, and then they missed a total of 8 days between Jan and Feb because of all of the snow. I wasn't going to let them this month because next week they are going to be out for a full week because of spring break. Oh well, shit happens I guess LOL. Daegan and Zeelynn have loved them being here, I enjoy their company too. Well as long as they aren't fighting.....

Sunday, March 6, 2011

My Saturday Night

I swear every month when Jeramy leaves to go do his drills in Houston I miss him. There are a lot of couples that I know that would love a weekend away from each other every weekend, sad in my eyes. I really honestly don't like being away from Jeramy. He truly is my best friend and even after all these years together, I still get butterfly's in my belly when I know he is coming home, or when he gives me a kiss after being gone all day long. I Love him, I enjoy the shit out of his company. Call it weird, call it annoying, call it whatever you want but I can't help it. I know that he had fun today. They got to get in the flight simulator and fly and shoot each other down. Then they had to set up cameras on the Apache so they could test the propellers. He said they sat around and talked from 2 till they got released but he said that it went by pretty fast. I forgot to ask him if he found out anything about him moving up in ranks. I'll have to ask him when he calls me tomorrow. 
I think I am going to try and plan on going down there in April with him. He told the kids that we would try and all go in April. I hope so, I love road trips with him and the kids. Most people wouldn't like being stuck in a car with kids for that long, but hell I drove from Texas to Virginia straight through with two kids. Didn't get on the road till 9 or so one night, didn't get there till 7 or 8 the next night. It was fun though because we were only going to stay the weekend and then head back home but ended up staying for a week. It was an expensive week but wouldn't change it for the world. I am dreading him leaving for his two weeks. They scheduled it for May 14 thru the 28. So he leaves out on his 31st birthday and Zanes 10th birthday....Geesh, 10th birthday. I can't believe that Zoei will be 8 in a couple of weeks, or that Zeelynn will be 6 months on Tuesday. Half a year already. It took FOREVER for her to get here and now it's just flying by. My big babies aren't babies anymore, Zane is hitting the double digits and Zoei will be 8 going on 30.....Crazy crazy. Anyways it's midnight. Zeelynn is asleep in her bed, Zane and Marco are in his room playing and miss Zoei is still at Melody's house. She called me tonight crying because she wanted to come home :( makes this mommy sad. If J would of been home I would of gone and gotten her but he isn't and I wasn't going to call my mom at 10:30 to see if I could borrow her car. I just told her to go to sleep and tomorrow would come fast and I would see her when Tabitha brought her home....So I'm going to go to sleep, hope Zeelynn sleeps till 9:50 again!  

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Let me put it out there

So can I put it out there? Can I say what really happened? Of course I can, it's my blog. About a week and a half ago Tabitha and Carl came over to play cards and drink some wine at my house. It's so much easier to have a  little small get together at my house because I have a husband and three kids. That way J doesn't always have to stay at home with the kids, and if he does go out with me I don't have to worry about finding a sitter (AKA my mom). Anyways they come over and we start playing cards. First we play slap, I think that's what it's called, then we move onto Phase 10. We are moving and grooving through the phases and Carl gets down to having two cards. Before he lays his cards down, Tabitha says to him if you go out I'm going to hurt you and not in a good way. He sits there for a sec, looks up and says she said she was going to hurt me and lays down a wild card. Now any of you that have played Phase 10 before know that a wild can be used for anything. He could of laid it down and gone out. But instead, trying to make Tabitha happy he lays down the wild. It's cheating....He chose not to go out and lay down a card that would help Tabitha get her set. Cheating. If we were playing teams or couples then it would of been a different situation but we were all playing for ourselves.Well all of you that know Jeramy know that he takes his games really seriously. LMAO!! He is a competitive person. When Carl laid down that card, Jeramy throws his cards on the table and was like Fuck that! He said I'm not going to sit here and play with cheaters. Gets up and lights a cig, flat out asks them where are your morals, where is your integrity!! Did he raise his voice, yes, did he get pissed off yes...But I would of too. I was thinking that is fucked up and was going to say something but I didn't get the chance because J flipped his lid! Not once did he call them a bad name, not once did he say anything derogatory about them. Did he question their integrity, hell yeah he did. If you cheat doesn't that leave the door wide open for someone to question it?? I'm thinking so. So anyways Tabitha popped off and said you don't have to insult me. (he never did but whatever) and stormed out of here like a 2 year old!!! Carl at least said bye LMAO! During this whole thing I didn't say shit. I just kept my mouth shut. Well I take that back I did tell Jeramy not to get so loud so he didn't wake up the baby, but I didn't intervene in the argument. Why would I? Jeramy had every right to say something, what am I going to stand up for someone that was cheating, NOPE! I am so proud of him for saying something, I am so proud that I have a man that has a back bone and will stand up and open his mouth when something isn't right. She can be pissed off that I didn't say anything to him all she wants but he was in the right and they were in the wrong. If the roles would of been reversed she would of called J out, or if I would of cheated she would of had no problem saying something but because it was her that cheated, and it was her that got called out for it she got butt hurt by it. LOL I even went so far as to send her an email saying how I felt about the whole situation. Gave her an opening to say something to me, but she has chosen to not to say anything. Whatever is what I'm thinking, Que sera sera !!

Oh one more thing: The going census is that Jeramy was right and they were in the wrong ~

About Me

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Welcome to the wonderful life of me! I am married to my best friend, my soul mate, my right hand man, the love of my life and we have been blessed with 3 beautiful Z kiddos. Jeramy and I have known each other since we were 14 &16, and have been married for 5 years. He is in the Army and I get to be a stay at home mommy :) We have had our ups and downs, life hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we are blessed!