Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Reflections on almost a year apart.....Man I don't know where to begin. It has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. There have been some pretty big high's and way too may lows. There was a lot of learning just how fragile I can be, but at the same time how strong I am. I learned that no matter how far away I am from being an addict, that it can turn and show it's ugly head when I least expect it. I drank this year... I mean DRANK! More than I ever have in my whole life. Didn't realize how far into it I was until I tried to slow it down. Felt the "need" for it, to help cope with life. Being the only one here and dealing with everything that was left behind while he went away for 9 months was .... an ass kicking. Did I do it, yes, did we survive it, yes, am I capable of doing it again, yes... it's the life that was chosen and I'm along for the ride 100%. Doesn't mean it didn't suck, doesn't mean that there were days/night where I did nothing but sleep, there were days in a row I would go without taking a shower simply because I couldn't make myself. The depression part of Deployment SUCKS!!! It wasn't all bad, there were many days that I would go through and then at the end right before falling asleep I would think, today wasn't bad, I got this. It's a roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings, victories and hardships with an out come of totally believing in yourself. The saying that you don't really know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.... understood completely!!
Totally nervous about my husband coming home. As excited as I am, the what if's, the self doubt, the questioning they all coming bubbling up to the surface. I know how much I've changed, but how much as he changed? I'm so use to doing anything and everything, will I be able to "step down" as the queen of the house and allow him to be a father/husband... and if I can, will he help? will he step up? Is it going to be awkward between us... yes we have a history that spans over 16 years, yes we have been married/back together for 8 years (almost 9) but will it be weird?
On top of all of the emotions and feelings that come along with a soldier coming home, we are moving to Houston... 300 miles away from everyone and everything I know. So you have the stress of finding a new normal within the family, reestablishing roles compacted with moving. He will come home, a few days after that we are going to Houston to finalize his contract and look at houses (hopefully the one that I've been looking at pans out) well come home have Christmas, New Years and then move. All within a little over two weeks. Whirlwind is an understatement....

Saturday, November 30, 2013

My baby :)

It is so close to my baby coming home I can't stand it!!! There still isn't a for sure date, but we are closer than ever. As of today he has been gone for 245 days....when I think about the fact that I haven't seen him since March and it is now the day before December, it seems like it has flown by. But then when I think about the day to day life, it's been FOREVER. I am so excited to see him, to hug him,  to kiss him, for him to be apart of the family again. I am so excited about this new adventure in our lives. He'll start a new job, we will be moving to Houston, the kids will be in new schools, we'll have a new house...nerve wracking, but exciting at the same time. I'm ready for "new beginnings" with my family.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

74 days down...

74 days down, only 201 more to go... DAMMIT!!! Hopefully it's a couple of weeks less that that 201 mark, but who knows. I MISS MY HUSBAND! I miss his laugh, I miss his smile, I miss the way he talks with his hands, I miss his fast pace walk, I miss every damn thing about him.
I will say that working has made it a tad bit easier, only because it keeps my mind going. I stay busy during the day and then when I get home on most days I get to talk to him through chat. Sunday's are my favorite because I get to actually see him. It's through a computer screen, but I get to see him move, watch him drink his coffee (which is WEIRD), but it leaves me wanting more. Am I happy with it, yes because I will take what I can get.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Precious words...

Jeramy Wilcox
I love you more than anything you can thing of when its cool you are my blanket when its hot you are my cool air
I missed Jeramy online yesterday, but he sent this precious message to me. Literally brought tears to my eyes. I miss that man so much. I miss his touch, I miss his kiss, I miss his smell, I miss seeing him sit in his chair, I miss our morning conversations on the way to work, I miss him picking me up from work, I miss laying in bed with him... I just miss everything about him. Yes I get to talk to him pretty much everyday. Yes I get to video chat with him at least once a week, yes I do get to communicate with him, but it's nothing like him physically being here. Just wish he was here....
He and I had this conversation a few days ago. I told him I'm so stoked that we are two months down on this deployment, but it kicks my ass knowing there are 7 more to go. In the big scheme of life is 7 months that long, nope... not at all, but in the day to day life of a wife that is sitting here missing her husband, it seems like forever.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Started my new job

Yesterday I started my new job. I can't tell you how much of a boost it is to my self esteem to be back in the working world! Felt so good to have somewhere to go, felt good to get up and get ready, felt good to have to be somewhere by a certain time. Laurie told me to be there by 10. So I got the kids up and ready for school, got myself and Zeelynn ready, and had her dropped off at my moms house by 8:45. I didn't really know what to expect with the traffic so I wanted to make sure I had enough time. I had plenty of time lol, I got there at 9:30! My daddy and husband would be so proud. I really did nothing more than take more test and watch videos. Laurie gave me a tour around the building. It's a lot bigger than I thought it would be. There is an 80,000 sq foot warehouse in the back. It wasn't weird until I got told what kind of situation I was walking into. I figured they just needed to fill a position so I was hired. Well, they do need to fill a position but the girl is still working there!!!! I didn't get to go in the dispatch office because she didn't know she was getting fired. So I really don't know what my days are going to be like. I really have no idea what my duties are. I would of thought they would get the girl out, before bringing me in lol... but what can you do. I just hope I can prove myself and the same thing not happen to me. I feel sorry for the girl losing her job, that sucks! Hopefully she had something else lined up or can find something easily. Yesterday my husband went flying around Kuwait in a Blackhawk, with the Major!! He said they flew around for about 2 hours.... too freakin cool. He is literally having the time of his life in so many ways. Does he miss home, yes...does he miss his family, yes.... but he truly is doing things he will never do again in his life.

Today I got up at 5:45 because Zoei had to be at school by 6:10. She is going on her trip to Austin. Mansfield has just cool field trips. She won't be back until 8:30 tonight. I'm excited for her, I'm sure she will have a blast. Well it is now 7:05, almost time to get my Zane man up and ready for the day.... Praying for safe travels for my girl, hope Zane man has a wonderful day and I hope my mother can stand herself after watching a 3, 2, and 1 yr old!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Really cool, encouraging words, simply something amazing

Number One:
I was just thinking about how needy i am...a day without Jess and i am crabby...i admire your strength! You hold strong for both your kids and as a devoted wife...makes me realize i need to be more grateful.....thank you for your service (being a devoted mother and wife) and the sacrifice you make so that your husband can protect us! ! ! !
Number Two:
Ray Twitch Too Koal (my ex husband) Im glad they have a good daddy!
Number Three: 
kind of thought of your husband on this one lol
Number Four:
You are so amazing and strong. Every time I get lonely missing my honey while he is at work I think of you. Big hugs Hun. You are both setting an amazing example for your little ones, an example that will last all through their lives. I know being strong is not always easy but you truly embrace it. To see the love you have for your husband is so beautiful. You cherish every second, breath and word and to be witness to that is truly an honour. Just wanted to let you know that you touched a heart over here in Canada
Number Five:
I wish I could find someone and we could have the love that you and Jeremy have...glad u r so ya

      In awe of people's kindness, of their opinion on my marriage... I don't think I can explain how much all of these words took me back, made my jaw drop. I guess when you get so wrapped up in your own world and what is going on in your day to day life, you don't really think about how your life can impact others. Mine and Jeramy's marriage hasn't been picture perfect and I think that people know that. Our marriage has defiantly had it's ups and downs and I think people know it. I think what people see are two human beings that truly love each other. Tho life has it's curve balls and throws them at you when you least expect it, we have managed to work it all out. Have their been cuss fights that last for hours, yes. Have their been talks of separation and divorce, yes there has been. But it's never happened because there is a bond between us that nothing will ever break. There is a relationship that spans 16 years. There is a spiritual, emotional connection that words can't explain. I love that man with every ounce of my being, and I know, tho he doesn't say it that often, that he feels the same way about me. We both know we would be miserable without the other. I hope and pray that our marriage withstands the test of time, the test of "life" in general... I think if we work at it, make it a point to put our marriage first, we will make it.


Saturday, April 27, 2013

Heart to Heart conversations

It simply amazes me the man I married and how he CAN be so good with words. Jeramy Lee is a many of very few words, but when he's away he makes it a point to tell me things. At times when he is here I feel like I could scream yell talk, whatever and he wouldn't hear what I was saying. When in all reality he hears me, he just doesn't make it a point to do it. With him being away we communicate, true deep down communications. I get to tell him what I try to tell him while he is here and it seems to make sense to him. I don't know if it's because it's the only way we have to talk since there is no physical touch at all, I don't know if it takes him being away from me to realize that he does need to say those things... not really sure what comes over him but it's cool as shit. I love hearing those sweet nothings, I love him telling me things that make me feel loved... It's like I fall in love with him all over again. He's has been so good these past few days. I feel the words through the screen when he says em. I know that I love him, I know that he is my soul mate, just feels really good to be reminded why I fell in love with him so many years ago.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Long, LONG distant relationship

It's amazing to me what being away from the love of your life can actually do for your relationship. It's so easy to get caught up in the mundane day to day life. The routine you have to have because you have children, the job you have to go to everyday because you have to pay bills, the laundry, the dishes, the cleaning of the house, etc. Sometimes it takes something big to realize exactly what you have and why you are still with the person you married. I won't place all the blame on Jeramy because I know that I am guilty of the same thing. We both were comfortable and didn't take the time to make each other feel special. Yes there is a comfort level you have when you have been in the same relationship for 8 years, but the hard thing to do is not become comfortable. There still needs to be some excitement, you still have to have that spark, you still have to connect with each other as tho you were still boyfriend and girlfriend. Like you didn't have children or bills or "life" to deal with on a day to day basis. That is what has happened with Jeramy and I again, we are connecting. Connecting through communication because it's the only thing we have right now, and it is so amazing. The little conversations that last 15-20 minutes are the most meaningful things in my day to day life. He makes it a point to ask me how I am, how my day was... tell me those little sweet things that mean the world to me. It's simply a beautiful thing. I love having that intimate relationship with him again, not physical obviously but that deep down connection. It sucks that he has to be on the other side of the world in Kuwait for it to happen, but I honestly believe sometimes it takes a big thing for it to happen. I love that man with my entire being, my heart my soul... He is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him...I miss him... I'm ready for him to come home....

Sunday, April 7, 2013

He made it

So my sexy J finally reached Kuwait. He called me at 8:10 Friday morning, 4:10 his time. He said he had been in Kuwait for about 4 hours. They got there and had to go to one base and sign in with their CAT card, and then go to the base that they are actually staying at. He ate Taco Bell once he got there lol. Jeramy was going to pass out for a couple of hours because at that point he had only had a few cat naps on the plane so basically had been up for 48hrs straight. They ended up giving the Saturday off to sleep and get settled in. They did end up going to the hanger and had a meeting, but other than that it was really laid back. My J is going to be on the night shift, I think will work out better. Less people online when he's awake and he can call me during normal hours here lol. Thank God above for yahoo messenger. I get to see his face :) I miss him like crazy... really hope these months go by fast.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Jeramy trying to call me the first time we used this: 4.2.13
April Wilcox: shit I hit a button
April Wilcox: do it again
The morning I got my present: 4.3.13
April Wilcox: oh my baby... have tears streaming down my face
April Wilcox: the UPS guy just dropped off the present you got me
April Wilcox: guess you can call me, it's saying your not answering
The first time I got to talk to him after he left US soil: 4.4.13
April Wilcox: Hi my baby!!!
April Wilcox: oh I can't tell you how good it was to see the messenger say you were online
April Wilcox: no... let me try to call you
       You have accepted the invitation to start Video Call.
sexy J: OK
April Wilcox: right when I said let me try to call you , your call came through but then went away, I just tried but it said you didn't answer...lemme try again
April Wilcox: guess you can try again... it keeps saying you aren't answering
sexy J: yes it wont let me do it
sexy J: so what are you doing
Since the internet sucked so bad I left him a message telling him I loved him: Call ended: 0 min, 25 sec.  (11:30 AM)
April Wilcox: waiting for you to call lol
April Wilcox: was debating on whether to take zee to daycare or not because I didn't want to miss you, and as soon as I left Tonya called and said y'all were in Ireland and that you would be able to call
sexy J: yes we are in Ireland
sexy J: are you at home
April Wilcox: yes baby
sexy J: cool we have a 6 hour lay over here then 6 hours flight to Kuwait
April Wilcox: have you gotten any sleep? how was the flight?
sexy J: so there is a line for the phones so will call you in a little bit if a can
April Wilcox: God I hope you can...
April Wilcox: do you think it's just the internet connection? Tonya said Ponder was going to skype you know if his is working?
sexy J: not much sleep a all the flight was good 9 hours t Ireland
sexy J: inter is really bad
April Wilcox: damn.. I was looking at the maps last night seeing how far you had to go
sexy J: don't know were ponder is
sexy J: just paidd 16dollars for a coke and blt
April Wilcox: oh ok..Tonya and I have been texting and talking all morning
April Wilcox: Holy shitballs?? 16 buck??
sexy J: i cant even get on the inter like facebook
April Wilcox: really? You would think that would work there... are you in a damn cave? lol
JWilcox did not answer your video call invitation. Please try again later.
sexy J: i am in Shannon Ireland in the airport
April Wilcox: it's just crazy to me that you are in Ireland...this is going to be an experience of a lifetime baby
sexy J: so how are you doing
April Wilcox: better right now than I have been in the past 12 hours... you know what talking to you does to me, calms me, wish I could see you but I'll take what I can get
sexy J: yes it is
sexy J: i here that
April Wilcox: so how are you my love?
sexy J: i am good this inter sucks battery is going to run out
April Wilcox: no where for you to plug it in?
sexy J: need a adapter to use the plugs here on this side of the world
April Wilcox: are you serious?
April Wilcox: that fucking sucks
sexy J: yes different plugs
sexy J : will be fine on base
April Wilcox: never even thought about that shit
April Wilcox: Americans know how to do it right lol
sexy J : yes
April Wilcox: looked up the airport while we're talking and it looks pretty small
April Wilcox: you better take pictures with the phone lol
sexy J: yes i think it is small
sexy J is typing...
sexy J: wise i could have a beer from here this is were Guinness is from
April Wilcox: lol right!! Sucks you can't
sexy J: well what can you do
sexy J has signed out. (4/4/2013 12:08 PM)
April Wilcox: I guess nothing... I love you baby

The internet sucked so bad it drained his battery fast. I sent the I love you message right as it was telling me he was gone :( This is the last conversation I will have with him until he is settled in. Well I guess if he gets the chance to use the phones later on he will call.

Once again this isn't my husbands unit but it's soldiers in the same airport my husband is in and with a 6 hour layover, I'm sure the scene looks something like this lol. Loved seeing it say he was online, God I can't describe that feeling.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Oh Lord Jesus, here we go

(This pic isn't my husbands unit)

Jeramy called me at 7:20 tonight and said they were currently on lockdown. The vans/buses were going to pick them up at 9 to take them to the airport. He said they were going to be staying in tent city for at least 2 weeks so talking was going to be very limited. :( makes me sad... I'm excited for him, for the experience he is about to go on, but I want him here with me. Jeramy said they were going to fly from the airport to Maine, then from Maine to Ireland and then on to Kuwait. I don't know when because he didn't know flight times or anything like that. Basically they were on stand by and were only given bits of information. Going to keep this open because I want to document everything that is going to happen on his journey there.

It's now 8:20 Thursday morning. Jeramy called me last night around 11:30 and said they were at the airport and the planes were getting loaded up. They are going to be in the tents for a couple of weeks, I just hope he has a way of letting me know he's ok. Tonya, she will be my partner in crime throughout this whole ordeal, her husband is deploying with Jeramy. We basically agreed in a non verbal way, just through an understanding of how crazy this year is going to be, that we would have each other's back. I dig the chick, I think we think alike in a lot of ways... hopefully either Jeramy calls me or Chris calls her so we know something, this waiting game fucking sucks!
Lord, thank You for this soldier
So courageous and so strong
And for Your surrounding presence
As he leaves us for so long
Though he’ll be far away
I know that You are with him still
And that nothing will befall him
Apart from Your good will
Lord, please comfort this soldier
As he climbs aboard his flight
And travels to a far land
To fight for what is right
Strengthen him and guide him
In what he must do each day
Lord, be his protection
When he is in harm’s way
Bless him with good buddies
For when the going’s tough
And please remind him always
That Your love is enough
Lord, please bring home this soldier
But if it may not be
Remind us that he’s home with You
For all eternity
I can't tell you how excited I was to see this man's face! He bought me this laptop before he left. :) He didn't tell me where he was going or what he was doing but surprised me with this laptop and printer. Made me feel so special, not because it's a material object but because he thought of me, did something just to make me smile. Anyways he called me yesterday and said that one of the other soldiers told him that he and his wife talk/video chat with yahoo messenger. So I downloaded it and figured it all out and got he and I set up. I sent him a text message telling him that it was all ready so he went to the MWR and called me from it. Seeing his face put the biggest smile on my face. Needed to see him. While he is away this will be the best thing. I may not get to touch him or hold him or kiss him or smell him or...etc. But if I get to see those baby blue eyes staring back at me, I'll make it. Will it be hard hell yeah, will it be worth it in the end, yes.... Love you Wilcox

My surprise...

So, you remember me telling you that Jeramy called and said he bought me something. Well there was a knock at the door this morning, I opened the door and it was the UPS guy. I signed for the box and he handed it to me and said here you go sweetheart.

I will be honest and say that I took my time opening it. I was very methodical, took pictures of it all. It's one of those sentimental things. He took the time to pick it out and send it so I wanted to enjoy every minute of it. I opened the brown UPS box and this cute box was inside.

I opened the cute box and crocodile tears came rolling down my face. It's a water globe with an arch you stand under when you get married with wedding rings on it. There is a spot to put pictures in it with the word Forever in it. I was able to print off two of my favorite wedding pictures and put them inside of it because of the printer he bought me before he left.

He had it engraved with: "April, You complete me Always and Forever"
When I say that tears were rolling down my face, it's an understatement. Precious, absolutely amazing, totally unexpected.
Then the man behind it all called literally 5 minutes after I took it all out of the box. My nose was red, tears rolling down my cheeks. All I could tell him was "it's perfect" Is the gift priceless yes in so many ways. To me it's not the monetary value of it, it's the fact that he thought of me. It's the fact that he put time and effort into doing something for me because it would make me smile. I felt so special. I can honestly say that this past year has been the hardest between he and I. Relationship wise, we weren't there. Sucks that it takes him going away for the next year for us to realize what we have but it's exactly what happened. I believe God above knew exactly what he was doing. Not a doubt in my mind. I will wait for forever for him because in all honesty, I just want him to show me that he loves me like I know he does. There isn't a doubt in my mind on whether or not he loves me, it's just a matter of getting him to show it on a regular basis.  Love him and absolutely can't wait for him to come home...

Monday, April 1, 2013

My baby is going to surprise me....

So my husband calls today and surprises me. When he came home last week, he forgot to take back his PT shoes. Today he had to go to the PX and get some more. He was telling me how much they were, wasn't too bad. So I said it's okay babe, can't do anything about it, you have to have them. Then he said well I bought you something too. I said you did? He said yeah but there are some rules... of course my curiosity is peeked. The rules are I have to be home Wednesday and if it doesn't come then I have to be home Thursday. No big deal not like I do anything anyways. And I'm not allowed to look at the bank account. He said it's not that he cares how much it was, but he doesn't know how it's going to read and he doesn't want anything to give it away. So I have to be a good girl and not look. I won't because if he went through the trouble of buying it and shipping next day or priority, then I want to be surprised. I can't tell you how excited I am. I wouldn't care if it's just a letter saying I love you... Love the fact that he's thinking about little things like that, makes me smile, makes me feel special, makes me feel loved. No it's not the material things, it's the effort he's putting forth

Last day with him, the ride home and day 1


The Wilcox Family, Easter Sunday 3.31.13
The Love of my Life

Saturday, March 30, 2013

The night before...

So tomorrow is the big day. The day I have been dreading for the past couple of months. It's one thing to find out in November that he'll be gone starting Feb.1st and then in a blink of an eye it's here. He was gone for the month of Feb, and then got to come home for a week. I then got to go with him to Austin for the deployment ceremony. Will never forgot that time, was so special to me. Truly something amazing to be apart of. So honorable, those men and women are what this country is all about. One of em just happens to be my husband. There is a saying that says something about how the laces all lace up the same, but it's the soldier in those boots that mean the world to me. SO VERY TRUE! Jeramy left again and was gone for the month of March. I got to pick him up Tuesday, March 26th but I have to take him back tomorrow March 31st. WAY TOO SHORT of a time for him to be home. I can't tell you how much I have missed him. Truly deep down in my soul missed him. He is my best friend, he is my soul mate, he is the one that I will spend the rest of my life with... It's almost like a death (in a way because it's not for forever) but in the sense that one day they are here and then the next day they are gone. The people that you share that life have to go on without you. They still have to get up every morning and go through the day. They have children that they have to be strong for but yet inside you are simply dying inside. Zane has told Jeramy so many times how much he is going to miss him. Breaks my heart every time he says it. Jeramy doesn't know what to say other than I'm going to miss you too and they hug each other. Hurts my heart. Zeelynn is too young to realize what is going on. Zoei says the same thing, that she is going to miss him. Here are 3 young children that are going to learn a great deal about life in this next year. And it's all going to come from me. They are going to learn how to deal with BS life throws at you. How you deal with life on a day to day basis when you don't even feel like getting out of bed in the morning. How you cry yourself to sleep at night because even tho it's a queen size bed it feels so big without your other half in it with you. How you can survive when half of your heart is missing. So much pressure, so much to deal with. How can one be strong when your hurting so bad. I'm sure I will learn a lot about myself in this next year too. I know I will. Shit I did when he left for the first time and was gone for 8 months. Kicks my fucking ass. Point blank, period, no and's, if's or but's about it... KILLS me! Hate it with a passion. This is a whole new playing field. He will be on the other side of the world. It's not like Kentucky where I can drive and see him for his graduation. It's not like Virginia where I can get a wild hair up my ass, load the kids in the car and drive 24 hours straight because he got a pass for a few days. It's the other side of the world. I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm stressed out, I don't know how I'm going to do it. I simply can't wrap my mind around him being gone that long and in that country. Hurts my heart, makes my mind go crazy... Fuck I HATE IT!!
Is it the life we signed up for yes it is. Is he so excited to go yes he is. Can I make it through this yes I can. Will we be stronger because of it yes we will. Are there so many positives that are going to come out of this, yes there are. Will everyone of us learn important things about love and life during the next year, yes we will. We can do this, but I don't have to like it one bit. I'm going to miss the way he walks constantly, I'm going to miss him wrapping himself up in the blanket in the middle of the night and me having to steal the covers back. I'm going to miss him waking me up by coughing (weird I know) but it's the little things about him that I love, that I will miss more than anyone will ever be able to wrap their mind around. It's 11:40 and I need to get off this thing...need to spend the rest of the time I have with my husband... damn I love him

Monday, March 25, 2013

I get to see this man tomorrow... I'm so excited!! He hasn't been home since the end of Feb. I did get to go to Ft. Hood and see him one weekend  but he hasn't physically been in this house since Feb. Pretty fuckin crazy honestly. So he gets to come home and then I have to take him back to Ft. Hood Saturday. They are allowing family there on Dunday but we can't really do anything.  Anyways I'm excited, I have to go to bed cuz this mama's gotta get up n ready early!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

9 months...

I really can't believe it's been 9 months since I've even opened up this blog. So much has happened, so many ups and downs, the ebb and flow of life almost threw me off a few times.  I was in a wreck July 29, that almost took me and my friend Tony's life. I had rode with him because it was a new place and I didn't know where it was. We left and he was taking me back to his house to get my car when we flipped on the bridge at 121/Sylvania. I don't remember the wreck at all. I don't even remember getting on to 121 from 35. I just remember waking up and being on the road, many many people just standing looking at me. I'm sure they thought we were dead. I have no idea how long we were knocked out for. Thank God above we survived and the injuries weren't bad. I did have a brain bleed but it stopped within a few hours of being at the hospital. My face was pretty banged up and so was my arm. I had a huge road rash spot on my shoulder and my ankle was pretty messed up. God wasn't ready for us, truly believe that's the only reason we survived that wreck. 

This was written awhile back: just saved in the drafts for awhile

Happy Anniversary ... From afar

Today is mind and Jeramy's 4th wedding anniversary, and 8th anniversary of being back together. To be honest I don't think neither of us thought it was going to make it this far. The "7yr itch" as they call it was a bitch. Think we both crossed some lines and did some things we wish we hadn't, but it's life and you learn from it and move on. I can't imagine my life without him. Period plain and simple. We met when we were 14 and 16 because we were destined to be together for forever. Life took us our own ways but we were brought back together for a reason. Tho I have questioned why and is this really it, I know in my heart of hearts that we will be together for a lifetime. No matter who comes and goes in life, Jeramy and I will be together through it all. Are there things that could change, yes... are there things we both could work on, yes... even if it takes marriage counseling we will work through it.
Sucks that he's deployed on our anniversary. Well I guess he's still in the states, but he's doing his pre-deployment shit so he can't be here. Wish he was.... Last year he forgot our anniversary. Hurt like I can't even tell you. I made a smart ass comment to him last night saying it's two years in a row that are going to suck and he didn't say anything. Feel bad now lol ... I love my flowers and the sweet card to go with it. I looked into doing a Boudoir photo shoot for him, and I think I found a place that will do it. They give have off prices to military and then an additional 20% if you let her use your pics in her books :) Looks like that will be his birthday present lol. He'll be home in a few days, for a few days and then he's off for 9 months... I miss him already, don't know how I'm gonna deal with him being gone that long..guess just survive.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Only Way I'm going to make it...

through this deployment is by keeping up with this. I need somewhere I can put all my thoughts and feelings and emotions without worrying about stepping on anyones toes, pissing anyone off, trying to make people get it when they really have no clue. I miss my husband...plain and simple, I fucking miss him. I miss him pissing me off, I miss his smart mouth, I miss his smile, I miss his hugs, I miss his touch, I miss his dancing, Hell I even miss looking over and seeing him sitting at the computer.. Miss my Jeramy Lee - I don't know how in the hell I'm going to make it through 9 months. It's now March 7th and he's only been gone a week. Ok I take that back he left Feb.1st and then got to come home on the 18th. He was here for a week and I went to Austin him for a couple of days and then had to report back Feb.28th. Words can't describe how much I want him home....

About Me

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Welcome to the wonderful life of me! I am married to my best friend, my soul mate, my right hand man, the love of my life and we have been blessed with 3 beautiful Z kiddos. Jeramy and I have known each other since we were 14 &16, and have been married for 5 years. He is in the Army and I get to be a stay at home mommy :) We have had our ups and downs, life hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we are blessed!