Saturday, March 30, 2013

The night before...


So tomorrow is the big day. The day I have been dreading for the past couple of months. It's one thing to find out in November that he'll be gone starting Feb.1st and then in a blink of an eye it's here. He was gone for the month of Feb, and then got to come home for a week. I then got to go with him to Austin for the deployment ceremony. Will never forgot that time, was so special to me. Truly something amazing to be apart of. So honorable, those men and women are what this country is all about. One of em just happens to be my husband. There is a saying that says something about how the laces all lace up the same, but it's the soldier in those boots that mean the world to me. SO VERY TRUE! Jeramy left again and was gone for the month of March. I got to pick him up Tuesday, March 26th but I have to take him back tomorrow March 31st. WAY TOO SHORT of a time for him to be home. I can't tell you how much I have missed him. Truly deep down in my soul missed him. He is my best friend, he is my soul mate, he is the one that I will spend the rest of my life with... It's almost like a death (in a way because it's not for forever) but in the sense that one day they are here and then the next day they are gone. The people that you share that life have to go on without you. They still have to get up every morning and go through the day. They have children that they have to be strong for but yet inside you are simply dying inside. Zane has told Jeramy so many times how much he is going to miss him. Breaks my heart every time he says it. Jeramy doesn't know what to say other than I'm going to miss you too and they hug each other. Hurts my heart. Zeelynn is too young to realize what is going on. Zoei says the same thing, that she is going to miss him. Here are 3 young children that are going to learn a great deal about life in this next year. And it's all going to come from me. They are going to learn how to deal with BS life throws at you. How you deal with life on a day to day basis when you don't even feel like getting out of bed in the morning. How you cry yourself to sleep at night because even tho it's a queen size bed it feels so big without your other half in it with you. How you can survive when half of your heart is missing. So much pressure, so much to deal with. How can one be strong when your hurting so bad. I'm sure I will learn a lot about myself in this next year too. I know I will. Shit I did when he left for the first time and was gone for 8 months. Kicks my fucking ass. Point blank, period, no and's, if's or but's about it... KILLS me! Hate it with a passion. This is a whole new playing field. He will be on the other side of the world. It's not like Kentucky where I can drive and see him for his graduation. It's not like Virginia where I can get a wild hair up my ass, load the kids in the car and drive 24 hours straight because he got a pass for a few days. It's the other side of the world. I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm stressed out, I don't know how I'm going to do it. I simply can't wrap my mind around him being gone that long and in that country. Hurts my heart, makes my mind go crazy... Fuck I HATE IT!!
Is it the life we signed up for yes it is. Is he so excited to go yes he is. Can I make it through this yes I can. Will we be stronger because of it yes we will. Are there so many positives that are going to come out of this, yes there are. Will everyone of us learn important things about love and life during the next year, yes we will. We can do this, but I don't have to like it one bit. I'm going to miss the way he walks constantly, I'm going to miss him wrapping himself up in the blanket in the middle of the night and me having to steal the covers back. I'm going to miss him waking me up by coughing (weird I know) but it's the little things about him that I love, that I will miss more than anyone will ever be able to wrap their mind around. It's 11:40 and I need to get off this thing...need to spend the rest of the time I have with my husband... damn I love him

Monday, March 25, 2013


I get to see this man tomorrow... I'm so excited!! He hasn't been home since the end of Feb. I did get to go to Ft. Hood and see him one weekend  but he hasn't physically been in this house since Feb. Pretty fuckin crazy honestly. So he gets to come home and then I have to take him back to Ft. Hood Saturday. They are allowing family there on Dunday but we can't really do anything.  Anyways I'm excited, I have to go to bed cuz this mama's gotta get up n ready early!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

9 months...





I really can't believe it's been 9 months since I've even opened up this blog. So much has happened, so many ups and downs, the ebb and flow of life almost threw me off a few times.  I was in a wreck July 29, that almost took me and my friend Tony's life. I had rode with him because it was a new place and I didn't know where it was. We left and he was taking me back to his house to get my car when we flipped on the bridge at 121/Sylvania. I don't remember the wreck at all. I don't even remember getting on to 121 from 35. I just remember waking up and being on the road, many many people just standing looking at me. I'm sure they thought we were dead. I have no idea how long we were knocked out for. Thank God above we survived and the injuries weren't bad. I did have a brain bleed but it stopped within a few hours of being at the hospital. My face was pretty banged up and so was my arm. I had a huge road rash spot on my shoulder and my ankle was pretty messed up. God wasn't ready for us, truly believe that's the only reason we survived that wreck. 

This was written awhile back: just saved in the drafts for awhile

Happy Anniversary ... From afar




Today is mind and Jeramy's 4th wedding anniversary, and 8th anniversary of being back together. To be honest I don't think neither of us thought it was going to make it this far. The "7yr itch" as they call it was a bitch. Think we both crossed some lines and did some things we wish we hadn't, but it's life and you learn from it and move on. I can't imagine my life without him. Period plain and simple. We met when we were 14 and 16 because we were destined to be together for forever. Life took us our own ways but we were brought back together for a reason. Tho I have questioned why and is this really it, I know in my heart of hearts that we will be together for a lifetime. No matter who comes and goes in life, Jeramy and I will be together through it all. Are there things that could change, yes... are there things we both could work on, yes... even if it takes marriage counseling we will work through it.
Sucks that he's deployed on our anniversary. Well I guess he's still in the states, but he's doing his pre-deployment shit so he can't be here. Wish he was.... Last year he forgot our anniversary. Hurt like I can't even tell you. I made a smart ass comment to him last night saying it's two years in a row that are going to suck and he didn't say anything. Feel bad now lol ... I love my flowers and the sweet card to go with it. I looked into doing a Boudoir photo shoot for him, and I think I found a place that will do it. They give have off prices to military and then an additional 20% if you let her use your pics in her books :) Looks like that will be his birthday present lol. He'll be home in a few days, for a few days and then he's off for 9 months... I miss him already, don't know how I'm gonna deal with him being gone that long..guess just survive.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Only Way I'm going to make it...

through this deployment is by keeping up with this. I need somewhere I can put all my thoughts and feelings and emotions without worrying about stepping on anyones toes, pissing anyone off, trying to make people get it when they really have no clue. I miss my husband...plain and simple, I fucking miss him. I miss him pissing me off, I miss his smart mouth, I miss his smile, I miss his hugs, I miss his touch, I miss his dancing, Hell I even miss looking over and seeing him sitting at the computer.. Miss my Jeramy Lee - I don't know how in the hell I'm going to make it through 9 months. It's now March 7th and he's only been gone a week. Ok I take that back he left Feb.1st and then got to come home on the 18th. He was here for a week and I went to Austin him for a couple of days and then had to report back Feb.28th. Words can't describe how much I want him home....

About Me

My photo
Welcome to the wonderful life of me! I am married to my best friend, my soul mate, my right hand man, the love of my life and we have been blessed with 3 beautiful Z kiddos. Jeramy and I have known each other since we were 14 &16, and have been married for 5 years. He is in the Army and I get to be a stay at home mommy :) We have had our ups and downs, life hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we are blessed!